mood:sad

Hello baby. How are you now? I am starting to miss you terribly even though we last sms-ed each other a few hours ago.

Ever since I started seeing you, I feel that my life is too good to be true. No, correction, you are too good to be true. You are such an honest and opened person. I, on the contrary, still hide my feelings. I used to think I am a passionate person but now I doubt it. I have huge problem expressing myself. Just in case you do drop by, I really want to say that I miss you a lot and above all, I love you a lot.

I am not sure if we are dating each other exclusively, despite the numerous times we kissed, hugged and wrap each other fingers when walking side by side. I have always wondered if I am your girlfriend. I know the reason you want to remain single for the time being but it is hard for me to pretend we are friends in the university attending classes and lectures. I wanted to hug you or just hold your hand so much whenever I see you.

For the n times, I tried convincing myself that I am just merely a friend to you, nothing less than that but I failed each time I tried. I can¡¯t help to feel sad each time when I don¡¯t hear from you after such a long day; I can¡¯t help to feel sad each time you have not called to say goodnight; I can¡¯t help to feel sad each time I see her or when someone mentions her name. Why does love have to hurt so much when it makes you feel so good?

Like a d¨¦j¨¤ vu, we were all in the same class today. I saw her from far away. And gosh, she still looked so stunning as usual. Everyone who meets her, always suggests her to be a model. Every time I look at her, I tried to find flaws on her appearance, but again, I failed each time I tried. And every time I look at her, I always, always wonder, why did you pick me instead of her? Why did you pick me over a girl who has the look and the brain? Are you stupid? Thinking of her makes me feel super low emotionally and stupid as well.

As much as I didn¡¯t want to, I caught you glancing at her a few times during the class. I was wondering, perhaps you have regretted your decision? Well, if you do, please get back with her then. I am sure she is still in love with you after all both of you had talked about marriage, just that the religion issue was in the way.

I wish I know why am I crying as I am writing this. It is really nothing worth crying about.

So now I am wondering are you stupid now or am I the one who is stupid now?


- Get Your Own

hey-a deecy and welcome to Nutang. That's a pretty intense first entry, I have to say. Just wanted you to know that I know how you feel and to say that you can't make looking at her make you feel bad about yourself. There are a million things that make up a person, and a million different things that make people fall in love with each other. She wasn't the right one. It doesn't matter if she's perfect on paper, or "beats" you in whatever ways... she just wasn't the right one, and you can't be compared to her. If you try and figure it out logically and keep comparing yourself to her you'll go insane!! Just from personal experience...
» Zanzibar on 2007-05-28 11:14:57

Welcome.
No one's perfect, dearie. Have you heard Jesse McCartney's She's No You? Right now, you're like that to him.. Zanzibar's right, if you keep on comparing someone with yourself, you'll go insane. Why don't you just sit back, relax and have fun? Or.. why not talk to him about it?
» Nuttz on 2007-05-29 12:18:49

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