:)
I was wrong in many regards in wanting to make you breakup with your boyfriend. I am a very selfish individual which I have never denied. And I did write that power comes at a price that even though I could force things, at the same time power restricts me from using it.
Oh I am not after love, infact I know it too well to actually try define it. But if it is something that creeps on you, it is pretty damn hard to get it creeping when you haven't even met the person. At the very least I'd expect a "chance" which I was never given which you keep delaying. I am not asking you to break up with your boyfriend, in fact I favour competition, but it seems unfair to me that you seem? to like me, but you aren't willing to give me a chance to even get to know you past the superficial region known as the net. How we know each other, and what we know each other is entirely dependent on what we choose to reveal, which really restricts on getting to know the "real" them. It's hard enough to be even friends when we know so little about each other, regardless of being close to each other on another depth.
That was why I was so frustrated, you wouldn't even give me a day to meet and let me try to know/decipher you. We could continue to enjoy a platonic relationship based on deception, but thats not a true friendship is it? Unless you want to be a pseudo friend of mine who knows only so much about me, and vice versa. Previous to that incident I could not get hold of you via phone, internet et c. You are invisible on msn, hardly reply on icq, especially when I felta kindred spirit that I could chat about anything with,
The incident concerning that night ,made me write inanger about girls in general, rather than you specifically. And you mistake me very much, I am not asking you to be my girlfriend or anything, infact I rather remain friends for now at least. I don't know you, and starting a relationship based on nextto no knowledge on that person isn't going to help.
To be truthful you and I know a relationship at this point in time isn't going to work for us. You will be a busy beaver once university starts, and my life and your uni life is as far apart as it can be. The things I want right now is someone being there for me, as in priortising their life for me, which you cannot do, and neither can I do for you.
For me, ambition will always come first, its something I was born with. I have said it feels like my destiney something , you might not understand. The only love in my life , my ex fiancee was sacrificed when I had to choose my ambition or a comfortable love life with her. With her I would be really satisfied , she would be the perfect housewife aslong as I made moderates amount of money to support us. But I felt compelled to sacrificed the only person I loved to choose my path. The pain in my heart still remains, which is why as much as I want to love someone, I realise I cannot since they will always come 2nd place. Someone suited for my needs is someone who thinks like me.
I would very much like a friend who I can meet over in real life for walks for discussion politics,philosophy, go to art museum et c. Sex et c doesn't really interest me in regards to you. I do miss you, and what I crave is someone I can just rest my head and cry tears of pain on. I hope to hear from you soon.
Love?(smirk) Matthew sync.
» sync78 on 2004-02-13 01:23:07
ummmmm hey qing..... o.O everything sounds rather complicated and weird. Hope you're handling it alright.
» viv (211.30.77.229) on 2004-02-15 02:28:22
btw this is viv class of 02, just in case you think it's the viv in your group :)
» viv (211.30.77.229) on 2004-02-15 02:29:07
"I am not asking you to be my girlfriend or anything..."
huh? so why try and break me and my bf up??
» d-zire on 2004-02-17 02:30:48
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