complaints's Weblog Site • NuTang.com

Here is the first conversation I had today with Month.
I had just woke up. I was groggy, and being that I'm sick I was still really tired and sniffly and all around yucky. I walked into the living room still rubbing sleep from my eyes.
M: Wanna go get us a coke?
Me: Umm [pause]
M: If you don't want to just say no, and you don't have to.
Me: No, I really don't feel like it.
M: Fine, you know what, just take the computer I'm going to sleep. [gets up and storms out of room, mutters of no I'm fine and Everything is juuuust fine]
Me: If you want me to go that bad, don't give me a choice, just say, Go get me a coke. Don't get all bitchy about it. When I take the choice you don't want.
M: I'm not, I'm just tired.

30 minutes pass.

I'm sitting in computer chair, got into the thing I was doing. Got Little settled down. Go make Little a bottle. Month Shoots out of bed.
M: ready to go get a coke now?
Me: Dammit, if you wanted me to go get a coke, why not just say then go get a coke. Stop trying to act considerate just so you can ask me again a little while later. I don't want to get get a coke any more now than I did then.
M: I'm sorry, Why are you so damned bitchy all the time.
Me[thought]: Because I don't love you any more and theres nothing I can do about it.
Me[said]: I'm not the one that started it.

But see written down I just look like a petulant lazy child. But I have this same argument everyday. She offers me choices. and if i say no, she waits a couple minutes and says one of two things
M: Are you ready to go now?
or
M: I forget what you said, do you want to go get coke/cigarettes/etc.

---------
Ok, so Band had a ticket he had to pay off. Cost $85, he didn't have time to run it to the office so put it in the money box.
M: Go get me a coke.
Me: with what money? the stuff I pull out my ass isn't accepted anywhere any more. (lol was joking with her)
M: With the check (at this time i didn't know about money order)
Me: what check? Did GP send you something?
M: No Bands ticket check.
Me: I dont think thats such--
Band walks in. Month hushes me.
B: I'm gonna go to bed now, been up for a while and got work 2morrow
M: OK, love ya!
band walks off.
M: We will save some of it. I promise we will only spend like $5 dollars, Cokes and ciggies
Me: Are you SURE this isn't gonna back fire on you?
M: Of course not. We will save some. I promise [empty words i should have learned to avoid long ago]
I walk to store, by chips and cokes and ciggies, Knowing all the while that what I'm doing is wrong. I know that we should not have spent it. But I'm such a spineless failure. I can't say no to her. I'm to worried about what she will do.

Ok we still have $70 left we will give $65, then suddenly we needed more cokes so it was $60, then $50 and then we were hungry, so we got McDonalds.

And now its all gone. But we get paid tomorrow, month says, so everything is fine.

But I know its not. We have done this over and over weekly and bi-weekly for the past umpteen years.

Shes the cement around my feet keeping me stuck, drowing in the river Life.

Ryan said he would pull the stars from my sky. To late, I was already Empty before he came.

I hope I can get away. But I feel doomed.

Rhea