Nov. 28, 332th day of 2006
so since i use this blog to get all my feelings off my chest its time to write about my latest feeling...Happiness
I have kind of stumbled into a new relationship, and i think its the best one i have ever had (knocking on wood, don't want to jinx it)
You see, after the whole Gary episodes, i gave up guys for awhile, it was just best, i was sick of getting hurt. I figured I would just get through my senior and just focus on school, do my best, graduate and then after i get to college, start fresh. Yea well that plan is down the tubes.
I started talking to Seth last year becuase I do service learning with his mom (she's an English teacher in the middle school). Then this year we sat next to each other on the football buses and we began talking more and we developed a friendship. Well then this quarter, we started walking to 3rd period together becuase we both have to walk up the hill. I dunno when exactly our friendship changed, but it did. We started hanging out outside of school a few weeks ago. We just watch movies and stuff at each others house because his parents don't want him riding in cars with other kids. But this simple thing seems to be what i am living for each week. I can't explain how this happened really, it just did.
Anyway, I am extremely happy, i mean i haven't felt like this in a looong time. Last year, everything just went wrong. I forgot what it was like to feel this good. Part of this scares me, the last time i started feeling like this, my heart was pretty much stomped on. Though (i am praying to God) i don't think that is gunna happen this time. Seth is easily the sweetest guy I have ever met. I don't think he would ever do anything to hurt me.
To keep this story going, this past weekend we talked about actually making this whole thing official. He said that we would ask me out, but he really doesn't wanna screw this up. I can understand this because i don't wanna mess this up either. So I told him whatever he wants to do is fine with me. Because I am happy with how things are right now, and i rather have this than nothing at all. However, I am not sure how long this carefree feeling will last. I have been in one of the "hanging out" relationships before, and it ended horribly and I don't want that to happen again. So, I am hoping at some point he will be ready and we can actually date. I mean that is honestly what we are doing right now, just without the lable. For some reason that lable seems to scare ppl, myself included, and i am not sure why.
Hmmm...to conclude this rather long entry, I am very happy that I somehow found this boy. He is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. And I am glad that i can finally admit how much all of this means to me. Because I tend to deny things for a long time, and don't let myself truly feel, because i am so afraid to get hurt. But once again I have torn down the walls and let someone in, and i hope that this time, I won't have to build those walls back up again.
keep the walls down...be happy! » spunky on 2006-11-28 11:13:55
LEts hope that you can stay happy :-)
I've actually been happier than I've been in a while myself, well a LOT happier than I was this time last year ,lol
» CPKviperpheonix on 2006-12-04 01:23:53
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