In the summer Madison and I spent a few hours one day talking about our crazy ass dysfunctional families. Want to hear bits and pieces of mine? What I learned today? I know you doooo.



I went to my aunt Kelly's house for Christmas Eve today. She's actually my step aunt; my Papaw is my Mamaw's second husband and of no blood relation to me. So the only person there I was literally related to was Mamaw. So I'm sitting by her in the dining room, where all the women typically go. My Papaw's sister, Janie, and her daughter, Suzanne (who has a massive lazy eye that makes her look like she's giving everybody the stink eye) shot daggers at Mamaw all through the lunch. Mamaw and I decided to leave early to go see a movie.

We were driving back to her house talking about how rude Janie and Suzanne had been to us, when Mamaw brought this up:

"You know, Janie and Suzanne act just like eachother, and look just like eachother, even though Suzanne's adopted. She doesn't know she is though."


WTF?! Who doesn't tell their children that they're adopted?!


So I come home and relay this information to my parents. My mom responds with, "Oh my God. That family is so neurotic. You know, Tammy [my favorite aunt, another step-aunt, Papaw's first child] doesn't know her real birthday because her mom and dad were pregnant before they were married. She doesn't know she doesn't know her real birthday."




These are just two of the oddities that that side of my family expresses. My uncle Joe, a real uncle, is probably not my Grandfather's son. But no one knows for sure. He also has hepititis, but I don't know which letter. He's a huge druggie. But whatevers.

My uncle Tim, on the other hand, another real uncle, probably has a nasty nasty skeleton in the closet. Why would he be so judgemental, otherwise? This is Madison's dad, so we don't talk about that, obviously.





Then we can take a look at my dad's side of the family. My dad is crazy psycho, that's for sure. Then so his brother Van. He thinks he can talk to Gorillas.







:]

I was reading along, thinking "okay, some weird stuff, nothing really crazy," and then I got to the part about gorillas.
» randomjunk on 2008-12-24 11:13:10

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