bananaface's Weblog Site • NuTang.com

My heart has exploded into a thousand little pieces.

BJ and Jennifer are dating now. This requires a lot of back-story that I will now attempt to condence:

Stephen and I were best friends in 8th grade, after he liked me and made things really awkward and I was an immature 8th grader.
I don't remember most of my 9th grade year, but I'm assuming we drifted apart a bit. Not too much though. At the end of this year Jennifer began liking Stephen's best friend, BJ.
Last year we got really close again. Close enough that I started liking him. And he liked Jennifer. A lot. And she was starting to kind of like him back.
In fact, basically the day after I told him I liked him they started holding hands. Heartbreak beyond measure, I thought.

They dated, broke up, dated again. Dated all through summer. Jennifer told Amy that she didn't see the two of them staying together once school started. This made Amy and me very angry. Why was she leading him on like that? It was cruel. It is cruel.

They broke up at the end of the summer.

Stephen experienced heartbreak beyond measure, and I felt it again, in sympathy for him.

Meanwhile, Amy had started liking BJ.

Amy still likes BJ.

Friday night we decided to have a tea party with all of the people we hadn't really gotten to hang out with much. We called BJ, Eric, Stephen, Jesse, Tidwell, and just because we had to, Jennifer.

Stephen was grounded and Eric had plans.

BJ and Jennifer cuddled.

I could hear Amy's heart breaking.

Last night she texted me: "BJ just asked out Jennifer."

Happy Birthday, BJ.

Tonight, Stephen and I had this conversation:

S: Bj is dating Jennifer. It kind of hurts. I just want my friend back. I'm so used to being with her all the time, and now I feel like she doesn't care about me anymore. I feel like no one cares anymore. I don't have any close friends anymore. I feel like I could die tonight and it wouldn't make any difference. A few people would be sad for a while, then everyone would get on with their lives.
M: Stephen. Don't say shit like that. I love you so so so so much and miss you so much, and you have no idea. Every time Amy and I hang out and talk about people, I end up close to tears or crying because I miss you so much. Please don't say things like that.
S: I feel like I've lost you.

Good god, that made me want to melt into a puddle of tears.

After that he went on to say that he misses me and wants to get close to me again, but lacks the motivation.

Later on he asked if there was a physical manifestation of heartbreak.

I think for once he may need me more than I've ever needed him. I'll be there for him.