and the thunder is pealing.

I have the house to myself for the next hour or so, and later I'm going to a few house shows with Amy and Natalie.

I need Amy time, but I need that with out Natalie. I love her, but the things I need to tell Amy I need to not tell anyone else. Especially Natalie.

Hell, I don't even want to tell Amy. I actually have a secret, and I've kept it surprisingly well, I just feel obliged to tell her. She told me her biggest secret, and I need to tell her this. I mean, when it happened, I needed her to be in town so that I could stay the night at her house and cry with her and stuff, and also probably drink away my sorrows to an extent. Instead I drove home and cried to Kimya Dawson and the rain and the lightning and myself, and instead of drinking away my sorrows I slept them off, which is probably the better thing. But now that it's happened, I don't want to bring it up again. I just have to. It's like. I'm not even compelled to. I'm just going to force myself to. Because it's Amy.

It's not that I don't want to tell her. Well, maybe it is. But no. I want her to know. I just don't want to tell her. Yeah. That's it.

Anyway... I don't want Natalie to know, because she has a really big mouth.


I don't really want to go to the shows tonight. Idk. I'm just not in a house show mood tonight, I guess. And offering to carpool was probably dumb, because now I can't be like, "hey, I'm gonna go drive around, y'all can stay here if you want, but I'm leaving," because we're all going in one car. Dumbb.



I've been thinking a lot about next year. I want to know my schedule. And I want things to be reliable. I want to have friends I can always turn to and people I can always be with. I don't want my family to crack again, I don't want to have issues with money. I want to bring the same thing to lunch every day, and I want to have a job. I want to actually get A's and B's in everything, and try to stay away from C's. I want to do the same things, but I want the same things to be fun. I want to go to shows often enough that people there start to know me. I want to be known. I want to be happy. I want next year to be a good year.




I still have 8 weeks of summer left.

Haha, I start to curse the thunder, and I read the first line of your entry.
» ikimashokie on 2008-06-28 07:16:19

Yes, sleeping probably is better than drinking, alcohol or not. :P

Well, hopefully you can get your secret to Amy... secretly.
» randomjunk on 2008-06-28 07:21:06

I dislike both thunder and lightning, but sitting inside away from windows, I only hear the thunder to curse.
» ikimashokie on 2008-06-29 01:40:28

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