Yashvi hooked up with John.

It hurts.


I don't have a group I belong to, and that hurts even more.



Like, sometimes I'll realize that, and then I'll get really upset, but then I'll forget it and everything will be good for a while. Then I realize again, and I get even more upset.


I hate cliques. But I want to belong to one so badly.


My best friend is Amy. I can tell her probably anything in the world, but I don't belong with her. Every time I go over to her house, it's more stressed.
It's weird. But I know why it's so stressed.
It's because her house is no longer my second home. It's a different group of people's home now.
I've been replaced.
Not that we aren't still best friends.
I just can't hang out with her when she's with them anymore.
I don't fit in with their group.
Stephen is a best friend of mine, but when he's with Jen, I feel wrong, dirty. Evan is just an asshole to me.
Not to mention it's coupled up and I'm the fifth wheel.
And it's like I cling to Amy when I'm with them, because I don't know what else to do, because I don't fit in with them. I don't get their inside jokes, I don't understand the things that make them all laugh together anymore. I don't have fun when I'm with them.


This breaks my heart more than anything I can think of, because Amy and I used to be the people together who didn't belong. We would drift from lunch group to lunch group, but we would always be together.

There was, I think, one day last year that we were both at school that she didn't eat with me.

Maybe she got tired of me. Maybe I got tired of her, and pushed her away. But now I have no one to be alone with. And it scares the crap out of me.


I'm not saying I'm alone. I have a million friends. I love all of them. I'm not some leper. I just. I need somewhere that I can belong.



There's this girl we used to eat lunch with, named Sam. She's alright. She annoys me sometimes, and she went to a private school until highschool, so she's a bit socially inept. She chews with her mouth open and talks with food in it. She can be kind of bitchy.


But God, that girl is the realest girl I know.


She doesn't change herself to fit in. She fits herself in where ever, and she enjoys where she is. She is a real person, a real human being. She doesn't wear makeup, she doesn't straighten her hair. She doesn't change her beliefs or ideas for anyone.


I wish I could be like her.

Hmm. As far as cliques are concerned, it's pretty hard to get in or out of them sometimes. If you're desperate the best way would be to find some other clique-less people to hang out with... or to form your own clique with. That's only if you want it though.
» randomjunk on 2008-01-11 01:22:08

It is hard to get along when you have to fit in with the groups. I know how you feel, I keep distance from these people to keep myself from being hurt. That's how I ended up not having a life yet I want a group to hang out with. Well, I don't know what to tell you though I'm trying hang out with people more often because sometimes the loneliness is too hard to bear.
» Nuttz on 2008-01-11 05:04:57

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