lately i've been realizing that i don't know who i am. i know the image i live. i know i do almost everything i do to not be like everybody. but i don't know who i am, really.


here's where the realization came from:

the other day, i got out of the shower and accidently kicked my CD player.
the CD player broke.
my stereo has a broken antenna and won't recieve the underground station, so i am now forced to listen to the mainstream station in the shower and while i get ready. i take long showers, and getting ready is a long process. that means i lisetn to a lot of mainstream music.


the worst part is, i'm finding myself liking it.



i've tried for two years to hate mainstream music. i've succeeded. but now i have to listen to it, and not only can i tolerate it, i can sing along.



and i hate that.




because it means i'm not who i say i am. i'm living an image, instead of a life.


it makes me scared. it makes me panic. it makes me anxious. it makes me cry.



so who am i, really?



i'm a scared girl.
i'm perceptive.
i'm intuitive.
i'm good at english, but i've fit that into my image.
i'm so bent on making people feel good.
i'm tired of hate and war because it makes people not feel good.
i'm emotional.
i'm uncordinated.
i'm lacking in the talent department.
i'm lazy.
i'm cursed with an addictive personality.



i don't feel like i belong with any group of people.
i'm a drifter.



i'm hannah.
but i'm not the only hannah i know anymore. i know 3+ other hannahs. so that's not who i am.



who am i?

Who ARE You?
» Dilated on 2007-12-29 02:35:05

I feel the same way a lot of the time, btw.
» Dilated on 2007-12-29 02:35:15

hmmm i like your entry.=)
Like Dilated and you,i feel that way sometimes.
And then, I just realize it doesn't matter if i don't know who i am. What matters is what i do. =)
» frostbitten on 2007-12-29 06:51:53

Most of it makes me happy, too!
I need to clear out some of the old stuff. :)

And I've gone through the same crisis type deal. It only made me aware of how much of a jerk I can be. So, all I can say is learn from it, and take it in stride.
» middaymoon on 2007-12-30 12:28:03

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