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While it’s not hot snail trail on a hoe-bus en route to a pole dancing competition, “I Love New York” wastes no time in mandating that the parade of bitch niggas get nekkid and show the world their man-lumps in Princess Tiffany’s 1st Annual Mangeant.

Oh, the humanity! At least she spared T-Bone AKA “Dreamy Eyes” the mortification.

12 Pack hardily resumes his mission to de-Chamofy himself in the public eye . Unfortunately, his efforts are in vain as every proverbial step forward he takes precedes an instance of dude being entirely too excited to… well… do some gay shit. Even Miss Minnesota knows this man collects tips at the Blue Oyster Bar in a WAM wifebeater.

Mr. Boston: You are a bold motherfucker. Your killer instinct might just keep your pasty ass in this competition for a while. Just remember next time you wear the African exotic game-skin thong that all of your melanin-devoid marbles and Vienna sausage are completely in the pouch. You wouldn’t want Onix to have to tuck that shit in for you with his mouth. (Yes, we have a new lead undercover homo.)

“Some eggplant with a ginormous bent coon dick obviously stretched this pouch out before I got to it.” Damn. Boston stomped the yard like he was struttin it around for Schillinger in Unit B.

Why is Whiteboy the realest nigga on the show? Dude ain’t the most articulate motherfucker there ever was, but I too wonder why niggas are so quick to hop into a thong. These Bitch Niggas and Ballerinas require zero provocation to release their inner Superhead. Ras Kass put it best a while ago. “If next week the new fad was ‘Hip-Hop Fags,’ you’d find a lot of these thug niggas in drag.”

Am I buggin, or does Pootie Tang have the same tattoo as Hoopz? This grease pirate ass nigga look like one of them deranged NFL players. The crazy eye and a giant Tootsie Roll (as pointed out by Miss Michele) is a recipe for relationship disaster.

Big Boy done got skinny than a motherfucker, didn’t he? Look at him now, hostin a motherfuckin Mangeant. You can get this nigga to act like this at Dave & Buster’s too for some mozzarella sticks and a pitcher. This is an example of when losing a shitload of weight backfires. Now the nigga look like E.T.

Tiffany called Trendz a burnt twizzler. Damn, I might love New York too!

Remember when Michelle wanted to fuck T-Weed? Them days are long gone. She had one quick peek at his chocolate fungus patch and the deal was officially broken. ManBearPig saw that shit like the Ren & Stimpy close-up. Why she expected Tiffany to notice or care, I don’t know. This is a woman who has fucked Flavor Flav a few times. God knows what she should have picked/scraped off of his ass.

I know y’all caught Whiteboy confessing that he wants to be a nigga in another life! Sheeeeeit. Say that shit now…

Speaking of saying shit, Onix failed the Foley-McGreevey Test miserably. Even Chamo was disgusted. I’m sitting there listening to Onix tell Chamo he’d ride him hard, long, fast and strong like “Is this nigga supposed to seriously be trying to fuck this BITCH on the side of Chamomillionaire?”

12 Pack briefly shows us his sensitive side. He love his daddy so much. That makes it all the more difficult that daddy can’t accept him for who he is.

You see, New York. It doesn’t matter how badly you want to give dude the Scandinavian Mouth Rinse. You DON’T CUT A GAY NIGGA SLACK! This is how you end up a character in an E. Lynn Harris book. Skip the Terry McMillan straight to the hard stuff. See, women. Y’all be knowing beforehand! Y’all just think a homosexual can curtail his gayness a little while for you. Then you act all surprised when he come out the closet. You knew from the moment you and him had the same drawers on when you first fucked.

The Whiteboy championship sequence should be a DVD unto itself. Big Boy must have gotten some popcorn shrimp for this gig. He really outdid himself on the celebration tip.

Romance, you’re never gonna get to fuck New York’s dog dropping dimes you can’t prove.

Trendz. You fucked up. How you gonna come up in the house with a duffel bag of CDs and not hand them shits out on the creep? You know how irrational this broad is. She doesn’t want a nigga who is looking to get discovered.

Riiiiiight. Whoo, I hate to break it to you, Boo-Boo. As much as you tearfully don’t want to catch a “Hoopz,” that’s the nature of this beast.

Best Sequence Ever: Romance extending his felching, snitch-ass hand to 12 Pack only to have dude spit his drink at it. Trendz and Whiteboy were excited as hell! A nigga was rollin.

In case you thought Chamo came out rocking the incomplete Barbershop Quartet look, he didn’t. He keeps the cane up his ass until he needs to use it for more practical purposes.

Token, I agree. I too would be entirely too disgusted to kiss Marsupilami after 2 to 15 other niggas done licked her up before me. Women might do that nasty shit on TV for some reason, but not this nigga. With that said, Ron Mexico isn’t the manwhore who signed up for this program.

If you didn’t come to dance, then why’d you come at all?

[email protected]

“Celery. Yeah. Very good for you.”

Pour a little out for Ricky Romance, Chocolate Shitstain and Token.
Posted by Ron Mexico at January 16, 2007 10:35 AM

Categories: TV [t]

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