i feel so BLEH right now. I don't know what it is, but i'm thinkin that it's a bunch of things that are going wrong for me right now that made me feel like i am now. first off i'm stressin because i have the portfolio due tomorrow and i have one section to finish and have 2 evidences to include...not to mention that if i miss one piece of evidence, i won't get to attend prom. POOTIE!!! another thing... i get stress from home. i know my mom isn't tryin to stress me about her problems but when she talks to me about it...i feel bad and i think about ways to help her out about it; leaving myselef behind. not to be conceited or watever you'd call this but I'm a person with a big heart...but sometimes it sucks to have such a big heart for others that i forget about myself. I give so much effort out to try and help everyone out (everyone meaning family.friends.etc) but when it comes to me, it seems like no one can fulfill the same amount of effort that i give out to them. ahhh...i don't know if i'm actually making sense but that's how i feel.

I have this empty feeling inside me that i just can't seem to guess what it is. I mean i think about it and i'm like "is it GOOD attention from my family and not problems, attention from a special someone... what?!" it's been a while since i've had these kinds of feelings where i'm down, out of it, moody, attention needy and SAD. i hate feeling this way because when i start to think about it, my chest just fills with so much pain..as if someone is pushing down on it making it hard for me to take a breather. it's weird how i get assed out when i don't help out with stuff at home such as not helping my sister with homework once in a while, when in reality i'm helping her ALL the time. Those times when i don't feel like helping her, is only because I'm stressed (like right now). NO ONE in my family sees the good that I do for them, the sacrifices I make just so that they don't have anything to say, but I guess no matter what my efforts are just not enough. Then they get at me with school..."you should do good so that you could live a good life", how can i do good in school when i have no time for myself? I bet that if they let me live the way i want right now, i would have a gpa of 3.5, not ditch school just to relax and kick back, and i wouldn't have to lie about what i'm doin. but to let yallz know, i'm not a bad kidd. my gpa is passin, i ditch because i dont have enough freedom (i'm tied-down, held back from doing the innocent but fun things i wanna do) and i lie because the good things that i do is always thought of as something bad (hangin with friends=drugs,sex, and whatever else bad stuff my parents could think of.) right now all i wanna do is cry...cry about all these things. oh geez not to mention i'm still missin 1 credit (which i have to make up) in able for me to graduate (which is in 12 weeks).ahhh i guess i'll get goin on my portfolio since it's due tomorrow, to graduate. i want to show my parents that whatever bad things they thought about me doing or doubting that i would not be able to pull through high school IS ALL WRONG.