don't analyze it.

but i can't help it.

today i had an interesting conversation with my friend. it started simple enough, i asked him if he registered for his college classes and then the subject changed to movies. we just talked randomly, i tried to convice him to make film his major, but he said he wasn't good enough. i told him it doesn't matter because watching movies is what he like to do, he should at least give it a shot.

halfway into our conversation, i said that i was tired. he was like, "you're tired? i had to work on my portfolio, help my friend with their essay and i was talking to my other friend until 2:30." i made fun of him for talking to his friend until 2:30. i asked him if he liked her he said, " she's weird, in a way i like her, but she's not my type" i asked him what his type was and he got quiet. i said name an actress that he likes, but he still didn't say anything, so i started naming some. i said drew barrymore, cameron diaz, then i said lucy liu. he said he liked her. i said zhang ziyi and he said he liked her. finally i was like "maggie q" and he said yeah. so what does he have an asian fetish? she is asian. but even as i was saying those names i felt like i was leading him along. finally he was very defensive and said, "it doesn't matter anyway", because she always hangs with her ex. does he like her? maybe he's gay? i dunno.

i think he's like that one guy friend girls talk to and tell all their relationship troubles to, but they can only see him as just a friend and never anything more. that's why most of his friends are girls. they're probably like," wow, you're such a good listener!" then they move on to the next guy that'll break their heart.

also on this girl he might like, i know i'm just jealous, because she's like the typical girl boys like. she's pretty and flirty. why do boys like girls like that? but damn, sometimes she can be annoying. she tries to act all weird and be cute by talking about totally random things. lately, she seems to be trying to get closer to him, maybe it's because of the breakup and because her other friend in the class stopped talking to her. edit: i know she's just using him. she's the type who likes to lead nice guys on, she wants them to like her because she knows they can't have her. once they move on, she doesn't like it. she misses their attention. FUCKING ATTENTION WHORE!

ugh! don't worry, soon i'll graduate and summer will come. i'll have plenty of time to move on.

edit: if he does like her, then he's just another one of those stupid boys who only likes girls who are stupid and shallow. i really thought he wasn't, i thought he was diffrent. screw him! i don't need someone who can't even work by himself, he always needs someone to tell him what to do. BIG FUCKIN' BABY! he's also homophobic, a loner, annoying, likes crappy movies and actors, ignorant, likes crappy emo music . . . do i still like him, or am i just jealous that this girl seems closer to him than me? WHAT THE FUCK! I DON'T THINK I EVEN KNOW ANYMORE. i've probably spent so much time thinking about this issue, that i've gotten myself confused. but that's what i do DAMN IT! i obsess over every little thing! WHY DO I DO THIS!?! FUCK GET OVER IT

now i feel better.