I once knew this person who didn't cut people out of his life when they tried to bring him down or act sarcastically towards him. He would respond coldly and unapologetically, not defending his actions or questioning them, but rather letting that cold, unmoving response say everything: "Your opinion has no effect on me. Who are you to make me feel bad."

And, of course he would never say just that, because he's far too bright and self-directed. But that's what it really means. The only time it ever happened to me, I straightened up and looked at my life from a different perspective. I actually started being NICER to people and keeping my lips zipped.

I blush even talking about this, because he's a part of my past, and I don't especially like to think about people who have fallen behind in my life, especially those who have changed me so noticeably. I remember that, when I first started hiking and playing sports, I did it because I was interested in a guy, and HE liked hiking (the exercising sort of just came along for the ride). I actually saw him, tonight, for the first time in years, and I felt embarrassed, in my Vibram Five Fingers, standing in front of a grocery store conveyor belt filled with fruits and veggies. Mostly because I know he's a huge part of the reason it wasn't filled with fattier foods, part of the reason I wasn't wearing flip flops. I know some of it is just filling in parts of my interests I haven't explored--part of why I always take something different in my college studies, whether it be Biology (next semester) or Microeconomics (I rather like economics classes, now)--but...it still makes me feel rather odd, when I can point at someone and say, you know, "This person made my life significantly better, and then we abruptly stopped speaking."

Somehow I lost the balance between modesty and knowing my own worth, though. That's my point, I suppose; the first person I mentioned was kind of a ham, but somehow always still modest, while never forgetting his worth. I remember myself back in ninth grade as the girl who--quite smoothly--made a guy remove his hand from her shoulder once or twice, who wasn't afraid to make people feel like scum for trying to put her down, who was brave enough to tell someone she liked them without any sort of inclination that the feeling was mutual.

Essentially, I remember myself simply refusing to settle, within reason, for anything less than exactly what I wanted.

Perhaps that refusal needs to be reawakened.


EDIT

This should explain the honest and emotional nature of my public post:

Me: Precisely.
Me: And I nap regularly.
Me: I hate napping, but I do.
Me: I need an ankle massage.
Me: Don't make fun of me.
Me: I'M EMOTIONAL.

Yes.
» invisible on 2011-07-14 04:09:43

Strange to stop speaking to a significant influence, but perhaps better than "this person made me feel truly alive once, but now I hate them."
» randomjunk on 2011-07-15 05:59:25

Out of several people involved,
you're the only one who feels that way. I keep hearing that I'm being too friendly and not date-y enough. I don't even know what to think anymore.
» middaymoon on 2011-07-17 07:16:55

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.