I don't even want to know what's been up with me, lately. Tonight makes the half-year mark for me and my boyfriend, but it seemed so empty. I had fun while I was there, but...

Have you ever gone somewhere and had a pretty good time, but come home devoid of the joy and fullness of a really good night? I guess that's how I'm feeling, right now.

This isn't how it should be, and I'm aware of that. I think I just need time. Sometimes, I wonder if Sarah doesn't have the right idea, with dating around. I've been having a lot of dreams about what could have been, had I not started dating him exclusively. And it sucks. Last night, I dreamed of kissing someone.

I guess this just depends on what's going on inside my mind. Maybe I'm too judgmental, or maybe I pick people who push too much on me. I don't know. It seems like I like all my exes better when we're friends. Everything's way more chill.

And I guess that's mostly what I wonder about.

But at the same time...I dunno. I wrote all this before I got my frustrations mostly out. I'm still a bit empty, but...it'll get better, I think.

I hope. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt him. (That seems like a good thing.)

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