22:16

29-4-07


I¡¯ve always wanted to be a better person, wanted to change for the better. I thought if I was a better person then I¡¯d be able to happier, I¡¯d be a lot happier as I¡¯d be happy for other people not just myself.
I don¡¯t know if its working.

But I¡¯m going to tell you a story, an analogy.

-------------------------------

They say life is like a race, running to win.

But I say it¡¯s not the goal at the end that matters, but you on that race track. Running. Solitarily. People are running with you. People are over taking you. Some people simply pass on by.

I was running on my lane. I¡¯m awfully good at running, you see I¡¯ve always done that, passed people by. But I¡¯ve always had someone running with me, I couldn¡¯t stand the thought to be without my running partner.

But once my partner wanted a break, and they went ¡°go on, I¡¯ll catch up in a sec.¡± Sometimes things like that happened, didn¡¯t give it much of a thought, and kept on running.

A few tracks away I was someone, a girl. My age. My height. My build. But very different from me, I knew that before I was even there, before I even approached her. I knew her before. It was a forced meeting, between two people who didn¡¯t run in the same style, or the same speed, just happened to look like they should or would be good running partners together. Obviously it didn¡¯t work out. Left, and was glad to be back on my road again.

I¡¯ve seen her from afar before, but seeing her there. Jogging in her own way, I realised our pace matched each others. I stopped and looked at her, and she stopped and looked at me. I did something I never tried before, I left my own track and crossed through other tracks and stopped in front of this girl.

I offered her a hand, and she grabbed it.

Same age, same height, same build. But didn¡¯t run the same. So I showed her how I found is the best way to run. I let her share my track, I didn¡¯t mind.

I grabbed her by the arm, turned round smiled at her, ¡°come on!¡± before I started off at the pace I was running before, she followed me. I didn¡¯t think she would, but she did.

That went on for a long, long time.

I didn¡¯t mind, that for one I was pulling someone along my track with me. Showing her my world. Many people came, left, passed by.

She had sacrificed her own track to be with me ¨C to keep me company? I didn¡¯t realise that.

I wanted someone like me. I gave her my world, I wanted her to another me. So I didn¡¯t ever have to be alone again.

But we¡¯re not the same person, now I think of it, it was ridiculous to think that way in the first place. But then again, I just wanted someone there for me. No matter what, she learnt how to run so like me that sometimes I¡¯d look at her and no know what to say.

But one day I got tired, I stopped, let go of that arm, and we walked side by side. She walks faster than I do, I tried to keep up, it was different not something I was quite used to.

She said she couldn¡¯t stay much longer, she needed to go back to her track, but her track is now nowhere near my track, I asked how she would get back, she said she would find another track, but she said she would be back, that we would still be able to keep running together, every now and then, but it would be enough. I smiled. It was all going to be okay.

I¡¯d rested enough. I was never one to rest long. I didn¡¯t even like walking. I only did it when I had to.

I waved her goodbye, turned ran forwards on my track and didn¡¯t turn back.

She came every now and then back to me, bringing back new stories of all these other tracks she¡¯s been near or tried sharing. I smiled for her, hearing her adventures. I already noticed, she¡¯s stopped running like me, she still runs a like me. I smiled. It was all okay.

Later, she came back. This time it was different, she has joined this new track she tells me all the thrills of this other track. I look at my own and find, that my track does not compare. I don¡¯t say anything but just listen to her as she tells me excitedly. I smile at her. I knew I¡¯d see her even less, but I began to accept that. The new track sounds good, suits her, it¡¯d do her good. So I let her go. I had nothing to offer her in comparison and I was not about to make demands empty handed. I knew from then on, when she came back she¡¯d be different, she¡¯d be running like another person the next time I see her.

Running along. Running along. It was different. I got used to running with someone so near me, my track was too big for me. Too big for just myself.

I wondered. Why have I just stayed on this track? I remember trying other tracks for short whiles¡­ but that seemed like a long time ago. Knowing she¡¯s changing and adapting her style. I didn¡¯t want to get left behind.

I found people running next to me, at the same speed. Joined them. Shared theirs for a bit. Strange track this time. Very different, but enjoyable. I started to realise staying on my track I wonder saw certain things, but this was new.

The next time I saw her again, I didn¡¯t know how, I didn¡¯t know why, she was running in a different direction. I knew I could always go to her, take her my the arm and run together again. All I needed to do was jump through these other tracks. But she looked so happy there, she liked those tracks, who am I to take her away?

I waited. I wondered if she¡¯d take me onto that track. She offered many times, had many ideas. But she never too me by the arm. We didn¡¯t run together again.

Now as we looked at each other. Same height, Same age, Same build. We realised how different we have become. Different directions, different track types, yet really we still ran a like in ways, if one looked close enough.

We both realised that we were so far away, it wouldn¡¯t be simply crossing over anymore. I saw another person on her track with her, did she really want me to be there? I didn¡¯t know.

Reaching over is hard. Being able to run with her again wouldn¡¯t be easy. But now that she¡¯s seen me, she understands. She seems to want to run together too. We know it won¡¯t be the same. We know we have to switch many tracks. But now that I see her, I know that maybe one day I¡¯ll be in the track next to hers. For how long I dunno.

But I¡¯ll be there.

She¡¯ll be there.

Until the next time we change tracks. But now that we¡¯ve been apart for so long. Maybe we¡¯ll understand more the need to jump into each others tracks now and then, to know where the other is headed, to make sure they¡¯re still within a reachable distance.

Maybe, Maybe then, we¡¯ll be able to see each other across a few tracks, running with different people beside us and smile at each other.

¡°Hey stranger?¡±

would that ever happen?

I was never liked trying on a new pair of trainers anyways.


---

hm... looking back at what I wrote last night before I fell asleep... I'm confused myself. There's things than can be added...

Yeah I see what your talking about. So is this your story did a girl break up with you. Or did you just have the urge to right a story. And, your good at righting analogies, or whatever there called. And i'm guessing your in track.
» catatonicloki on 2007-04-30 02:48:08

OHH
well either way its really good, your a really good writer, keep it up.
» catatonicloki on 2007-04-30 03:49:02

hahahahahaha i was crying when i read your post, but after posting a new blog, i decided to comment =]
the person above's comment just made me laugh hahahahahahahahahahaha
'did a girl break up with you'... do you really sound that much like a guy?! XDDD

what do i know about the bad side of you? what do you mean...? i've seen you in arguments, if that's what you mean...?

L8r,

¡ª¡ÁKuri¡Á¡ª
» CrystleKuri on 2007-04-30 03:49:36

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