As many of you know, I'm currently taking a class on global warming, an on this particular day I stumbled upon something very enlightening...but first, some background.

There are two factors involved with global climate change: one being completely natural and the other anthropological (man made). The first is called "the greenhouse effect," a phenomenon where longwave light radiated by the earth is reflected by gases in the atmosphere so that the planet maintains some heat. This is cycle is naturally occurring and doesn't have a thing to do with humans. HOWEVER, since the industrial revolution, there has been a huge spike in unnatural carbon dioxide emissions, and since carbon dioxide is a greenhouse gas (meaning it possesses the right properties to absorb and reflect light radiated from the earth), the greenhouse effect has been exacerbated, creating the effect we know as global warming.

NOW. There is something that scientists have failed to consider, so thankfully dear Muffy is way ahead of the curve. Human respiration is a process that intakes oxygen and emits carbon dioxide as we exhale. As mentioned above, carbon dioxide is an anthropogenic green house contributor, and since there are roughly 6.5 billion carbon dioxide spewing humans on the planet, the grand annual total of our breathing emissions is about 2.6 tons. We can assume that half of that is absorbed by the land and water, so the remaining 1.3 tons makes its way to the atmosphere and continues to aggravate global warming.

Politicans and lawmakers have all (vaguely) looked for ways to eliminate the global warming phenomenon through practical energy solutions but no one has ever thought to address such a critical issue as human respiration. If all the people on the earth stopped exhaling carbon dioxide, the climate change dilemma would eventually be solved.

After class I was lucky enough to be able to randomly encounter a nationally renowned climate scientist who just happened to be standing outside the door with holding a giant sign that said "MUFFY." Here is his educated opinion on my hypothesis:

"Bloody brilliant. You should be admitted to Harvard immediately, and perhaps dilated should follow you there."

I am no doubt destined for fame and many federal grants. So everyone, stop breathing and do your part to save the environment.

Happy April fools, muffy over and out

Google VHEMT. :P It is not a joke.
» randomjunk on 2010-04-01 07:20:51

One reason this made me cringe:
I just had two full weeks of examinations, and one day of it was spent talking about environmental chemistry. The first thing I thought was not, "Teehee how silly," but, "Hold on. Carbon dioxide may contribute about 50% of the greenhouse gases, but it doesn't have a heat-holding capacity large enough to have such a grand effect alone!"

Dagnabbit.
» Unicornasaurus on 2010-04-01 07:26:00

I was about to kill you.
» middaymoon on 2010-04-01 07:34:22

It would eventually solve the CO2 crisis.
» middaymoon on 2010-04-01 07:48:53

Okay
*stops breathing* x_x

"We are gathered here to honor the shiny and dead dot at our feet..."
» Silver-dot- on 2010-04-01 08:07:47

Brilliant!
hahahah
» jolenesiah on 2010-04-02 04:31:11

LOL!! All hail Muffy!! Oh wait.. we can't do that.. we're all dead cause we stopped exhaling carbon dioxide =P

» Nuttz on 2010-04-02 06:18:24

That solves it -- I'm going to Harvard to learn under the man of muffins. Oh teach me your muffiny ways, Muffin man!

BTW, all Dave and I talk about is how jealous we are of your hair..
» Dilated on 2010-04-04 12:25:52

And by Dave and I, I mean "I," and not so much Dave...
» Dilated on 2010-04-04 12:26:13

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