I realized driving home last night
Everything I've been wrong about.
I thought people only judged on what they heard or saw
I felt that believing what other people told them was naive
But in fact I had been the naiive one despite what I thought all this time.
because I knew they didn't know you like I did
In a way I think they were right though I'm still uncertain why

I am that type of friend that would be there as long as you need me.
I'll be strong for you and I'll give you advice and comfort when things aren't right
But that's not the friendship I needed.
I needed someone to be there for me too.
I disagreed with things you did but maybe I was too supportive
to where you felt you could do anything
I didn't mean to let you get this free..
I meant to be your anchor.
But you were too untamed and too thirsty for the fast life
I couldn't save you and I don't think I will ever be able to.

And you know, it's not the same
It hasn't been for a while.
I don't know if I've changed in the last 2-3 years and how
but I've seen what change has done to you
I see I've been blind since the first time I saw you
and ever since I've been blinded by wanting to keep our friendship alive
because my old friendships have been dying out
But it's really not worth it right?
This life you've made and created and designed for yourself, is it worth it?
Do you know you've been stretching your friendships so they've been dropping?
I don't know if I'm being disloyal or sensible
But I'm about to drop out too.

There are more simple yet still fun people out there.
They've got drama but more normal drama
Most don't know you but the ones that do have heard things about you
To be honest, they don't think highly of you.
As a reflex I stand up for you when they're wrong about you
For some reason feel guilty when they talk about you.. but the thing is:
They only speak of rumors that I know are truths.
That you dropped out of school
That you're a druggie
and how you seem to always find trouble

Still in my mind I tell myself: they don't know you like I know you.
But now I can't reassure myself with that line anymore.
They might know of you now but not how you were in the past
The past- how you used to be is what's keeping me from realizing I've been naive
To me you have good morals and been goodnatured
Like that time when you saved that girl from suicide
Remember you called that night and told me what happened?
You said people were talking shit
and said you saved her because you needed her for rides
And I felt proud of you because I knew you were good but they didn't know.

I'm not saying you've never been there for me.
I never really gave you a chance to prove yourself.
Remember that guy who was saying all those mean things to me?
I didn't tell you but you found out
You were mad because someone disrespected me
I know of some guys who once said they'd fight for me
but for some reason I only trusted that you would fight for me
and knowing you were by my side brought comfort to my sleep.
And everytime I think about it, it makes me feel right:
That they don't know you like I do.

Part of me reasons that I've always been
one of those phone buddies that you confided in like a diary
But what I do know is that there won't anyone else
that I can call at 3am when I need someone to talk to
And I guess that I'll only always be that phone buddy
So if that's all we're ever destined to be.. I think it's time to leave it behind

There are other people who I've been thinking I'd let deeper into my life
might be a better choice for my sanity
I could probably see them more often
maybe i'll have more in common with them
I don't know.. there's a chance they won't be as loyal and true as you
and that I wont have their friendship as long as I have had yours..
Thinking about the future is kind of scary when nothing is for sure
But i know that they will never think of you or know you like I do.

I hate that entry. K, not really, I loved it, it hit on alot of levels with my situation. Especially that second paragraph.. It sounds like you're ready to let him go. I've been trying to let her go, but I enver could. I want to, or wanted to before.. but now.. I dunno. L o s t
» Dilated on 2005-08-28 12:52:14

I think I read this?
» juiCyy on 2005-08-30 02:11:17

It is visible, not destiny.
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» Lamont (201.12.129.59) on 2011-06-07 05:54:02

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