Os0BoBaLiCiouz's Weblog Site • NuTang.com

Its been different lately. Its mostly my fault. It's because everytime I see you...I feel guilty. I feel guilty because I'm disappointed. Maybe not in you, but definitely in me. How DARE I expect my friend to be there! Why did I think that [blank] would be there? Why? The higher the expectations the greater the disappoinment. But once and agn, I failed to keep that in mind. I was selfish in thinking that you didn't have other things to do...MORE IMPORTANT things. I know you do, alot of important things. I understand. I just forgot I guess. I take that back. I don't understand. I know for a fact you have more important things and alot of them. But like I said, I'm disappointed in myself. Why didn't I understand that you couldn't find time? Maybe I'm too self-absorbed. Yes, thats it, I'm self-absorbed. I should smack myself! I'm soo selfish. *sigh* To be honest, I still don't understand. Don't get me wrong, I try to understand to the best of my ability. It just won't get through. YOU ARE TRYING. I should tell myself that. It gives me comfort and lets me know you are a true friend. But then agn, I don't want to expect things. The truth...I'm upset. Not angry, not mad, just upset and disappointed. If I expect you to be there and find time, its only because I see you as a true friend. To be truthful, I don't want to expect you to be there, only because I don't want to be let down. I don't want to not expect you to be there because I don't see you as a friend or anything. Lately, its just I'm tired of the disappoinment I cause myself from my expectations. It's really an issue I have within myself...I'm sorry you got stuck in the middle of it. I know in the end, we'll come out as friends, because that's how we've always been. I'm not starting a fight with you, I have no intentions of losing your friendship. Im just letting you know the truth I've held within myself. I love you and I will always be here for you in the end.