My marraige has never been what it should be. Tyler has never pulled through on his word. Ever. When he saying he's going to do something, he starts but, never finishes. My marraige has been one disappointment after another. We are currently seperated because his mother couldn't deal with him anymore and we had to move out. My parents don't want him so, he's living with a friend. I've never truely been happy. Especially after everything went down with his ex and the other girls. I will never trust him again. He wants to get a house but, he's horrible with money. He has nothing saved. When I've tried to help him save money in the past he gets defensive. His famous line was "It's my money and I can do what I want with it". Through all of this I have lost hope. I'm not in love with him anymore. I'm done. Just as a I am ready to give him the news that I want to get a divorce he is suddenly making a turn aroumd. He's putting money in my savings account because he has finally realized he can't save money. His friend is going to try and set his life up for him. Now that he has his friend doing everything for him, he suddenly is looking in the right direction. He's saying and doing things that should have been done 2 years ago. Even if things do get better and we become a successful marraige, I'm not happy. I have no desire to be with him anymore. It bothers me that he has done nothing until now. Until his friend is getting things together for him. He's never accomplished anything with his life. He sits around and waits for someone to give him an opportunity. Until someone can do it for him. I appericiate what his friend is doing. He is a great friend to Tyler and to me. However, his friend shouldn't have to take care of him.

I am prepared to leave Tyler. I'm ready for this. and now that My mind is made up I feel a little happier. Seeing my life ahead and the things I want to do. I won't be tied down anymore. There isn't anyone else. No one has stolen my heart. I use to be afriad that I would never find anyone else. No one is going to want a young mother of two children. Two children by different fathers at that. I would assume a guys first thought of me would be That chick obviously doesn't have her shit together and whores around. Although that isn't the case, kids are usually an automatic turn off to most guys. But, now I'm ok with the thought of not finding anyone. I am so happy to be blessed with two beautiful and healthy babies. They are my world and I am one proud Momma. I don't need a man to complete me. It would be nice. I want a successful relationship in my life. However, I know I don't need it.

So what do I do now? Now that Tyler is happy that his friend is getting shit together for him. He quit smoking weed yesterday for the 100th time. Last time he did he lasted 2 weeks. Most of his money goes to buying weed. He smokes A LOT. Which was another thing I couldn't take anymore. But, now that he's turning everything around what am I to do? My heart isn't in it anymore. It took too long for him to get it. He text me earlier today saying that he wants us to have a house and he wants to see us every day. And, that he knows he has to do all of these things to get there. It's killing me... after all of the bullshit I've been through with him I am going to be the bad guy... I'm going to be the one to crush his dreams and leave just when things are getting better. I'm not happy. and I've decided I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. Nothing is going to change that. I love him and always will. But I am not in love with him.

I feel like such a fucking bitch...

What's the password?
» randomjunk on 2013-03-25 04:37:34

Aw, I'm so sorry to hear that. I remember when you guys first got together. He was in the army back then, I think. I remember when it seemed like he was this great guy who swooped down to protect your little family. I thought a lot of him back then. I wish that he could have stayed in the army, I think the army has a good structure which keeps people on track (and not smoking weed!)

I am really against legalizing weed. I think it is really destructive... it takes a special guy like Tyler and destroys his motivation and his life. I've seen it ruin more than one family. I would never date a guy who smoked. I hope he can follow through this time and get his life in order and kick that terrible habit. I can see why you can't bear to stick around, lest he fail for the millionth time.

Man, I'm depressed now. I'm glad you've found your decision and your peace though. Best wishes to you and your babies.
» Zanzibar on 2013-03-26 11:13:01

I don't think you're a bitch for making your decision, if it makes you feel any better. You tried to fix things and he wouldn't cooperate, and now he's too late. He had his chance and didn't take it. That doesn't reflect badly on you.

Furthermore, it's not certain that he's really getting his act together. I'm sure he really wants to show you that he can be responsible and whatnot, but if he hasn't proven himself before, I can see how it would be hard to trust that he's actually going to do it this time.

Whatever you do, I hope it works out for you.
» randomjunk on 2013-03-26 06:20:37

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