Well.. Leaving sounds pretty good right now.

Why must you be so protective and jealous over something you don't have. Why is it your say on what he thinks and wants. Why must you be so rude to me when hes around, yet be my best friend when it's just the two of us. One of the biggest things a hate in people is being two-faced. It's seems as though you are demonstrating quite well what pushes me away from people. I understand you don't want us together. I truely to get it. Just please.. let us be friends. I just want to leave because of your negative energy when the three of us are together. The looks you give me.. the vibes.. your aura.. they say it all. I know you don't want me around... I know you want me to leave.

Now I'm left to ponder. Should I leave? It will benefit you because it's obviously what you want. Would he care at all? could I mentally sustain the little sanity I have left? Or would I turn to material things that will physically harm me and lead to more mental damage. My thoughts are leading me to my own insanity trying to figure out what dicision I should make from these options layed before me.

Prayer seems to be the only thing keeping me from snapping. From losing what little reality I have left and falling into a realm of constant dreaming and fantasy. This little sense of reality I'm grasping for dear life keeps me holding on to what I hold dear. Yet, what I hold onto condradicts the very reason I'm holding on. To keep my sanity, my reality, I must leave. However, leaving would only lead to insanity. But, staying will put me on over drive and I will break down... causing my own insanity. Both paths lead to confusion and pain. Nothing will be solved. There are too many simple complicating that fill my mind, placing me in a mind set of constant wonder.

So I continue to pray and hold on to my insanity to keep me saine. God.. I really have no clue where I'm suppose to go with this. My faith seems to grow stronger, than fall apart within minutes. Give me the stength to care on. Give me back my will to live.

sigh. been in a similar situation before but not of relationship.

just trust ur instinct.
» renaye on 2007-10-05 12:05:57

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