songs are really powerful
Friday. 5.6.05 7:10 pm
I jus listened to an old cd I had and it had a bunch of songs on it that reminded me of a guy I was with for a little while. I was thinking about putting one of 'em in my info on aol...and then I started looking up the lyrics and...when I read it, I knew I couldn't put that in my info. It's so wrong...yano? Like...I don't think anyone should EVER quote a song that reminds them of someone else no matter how long ago it be. ... Idk how to explain it, jus...when I hear certains songs...BAM, it reminds me of someone or something. It's crazy...this one song, every time I hear it, I remember singing it to Beaner on the phone. And this other one, I remember it as the belly button song cause when leasha allie and I went and got our BB's pierced, the song was on before we got there and after we left. It's fucking crazy. I mean, alot of other songs remind me of MORE meaningful things but, you get the point. The song welcome to my life, it reminds me of when Kym and I got beat up. It's crazy...idk why but, thats been on my mind ALOT lately. The song thing, not getting beat up.
alot of other shits been on my mind tho. Like, this summer I want to get a job. I havent even began looking for one or found one, but I want one. I mentioned it to Justin and he pretty much told me I couldn't get one. It pissed me off. No man in this world is ever going to control my actions [besides the padre]. As much as I think the world of Justin, I won't give up something I wanna do bc he wants me to. He works two jobs now, and I wait around for him every night after work...waiting to talk to him, and I don't wanna do that all summer. Of course, he seems to think its TOTALLY fair for him to have two jobs but I can't even have one. It's not fair. He's like, 'I'll pay for whatever you want and give you money, I jus dont want you to have a job.' I'm like...FUCK THAT. I don't want that. It's gay. I'll jus end up a moocher and I don't fucking do that shit to my boyfriend. Not to mention, I don't want to come to rely on a man. EVER. It's dumb and it'll jus leave me really hurt when its all said in done. I dunno, does anyone else agree with me? I mean, I can understand Justins point about how we'll never get to see each other because our hours wont be the same...but still. Why should he be allowed to have 2 jobs and i cant even have one? ... I dunno, maybe I'm wrong.
I was thinkin' about allie earlier. I really miss her. It's so crazy. She's done so many mean things to me and stuff but, it doesn't change anything. I miss her...so much.
I gotta go cause Keith needs help. WOOHOO
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