I feel so horrible. I feel heartbroken....I want to die. I called Justin's house to get his grandma's phone number because that's where he's staying for a while. I called him and we talked for a few minutes. He sounded so bored...when he was told it was me he didn't seem to react in any special way. Just a normal everyday call. We talked and he seemed so bored...so unwilling. I asked him if I was being annoying he said no. I apologized for walking out on him on Friday, he didn't remember but forgave me anyway. I asked him if he had fun on Friday. This was the question I was afraid to ask. I hoped he'd mention my not being included in his night. Hoped he'd mention he'd liked for us to have talked more than we did. He'd had the most fun he'd had all year... It was great...it was fantastic...and I wanted to cry. I was so upset. He didn't even hesitate. He didn't seem to regret any of what he had just said. I was hurt. And of course I was jealous. I was scared, too. Some other girl made him happy. The happiest he'd been in a long while. OF COURSE I WAS JEALOUS. OF COURSE I WAS SCARED. Who wouldn't be? But it's ok...tomorrow during Study Hall I'm going to tell him. I'm going to let him know what's been troubling me. Because no one person can fix a two person thing. and to add on to my hurt, Andy's thinking about joining the Army. It becomes harder for me to think Andy doesn't like making me cry. lol. I know he doesn't do it on purpose though....at least....I hope.... I participated in the MDA Telethon today!! It was fun. Even though I only got one call, it was enjoyable. We had little clappy hand things that we got to make noise with and Mr. Barker and Mr. Parthun started a paper ball fight. Jeff won a competition against Catholic Central. Each school had to try and get the most people to call in the name of that school. Only Jeff alumni called. lol, it was an obvious win. 5-0. I saw Jeff Beumel at Spencer's today. His hair looks so different. Then this guy that goes to our school said hi to me and Marisela when he walked past us. We recognized him and the girl he was with, but we didn't even know his name. I bought these folders at Hot Topic. They're black with pretty beautiful fairies in the front. I'm using one for Japanese class ^^. I'm done talking to you. lol, bye! Hope everything goes well tomorrow....:deep breath.: -Ria P.S. I tried on this pretty perfume at Hot Topic and I sprayed it on my wrist. I took a shower and it still smells yummy! ^^. I'm thinking about buying it. Yumm Yumm!! lol

don't cry,
i wouldn't want to see that. it is apathetic, but no need for crying. if you tell him and not even the slightest condolescent word comes out of his mouth, say fuck camaradarie and get the hell ouyof there.
» zero_jak on 2005-09-05 11:52:55

your welcome
uh, you don;t have to, it's cool. i like helping freinds in fucking need and whatnot, even if they don't ask for it, i help.
» zero_jak on 2005-09-07 06:46:05

ok.
just tell me what your xanga name is and i will look for you on there. i will send you e-mails of a comment or you can just make it so that i can commment on your xanga, or whatever. that reminds me, did you get that e-mail with the pic of me i sent you? (tell me in an e-mail, since you won't be coming back)
» zero_jak on 2005-10-02 11:22:51

yeah,
haven't talked in a while. i haven't forgotten about you, or anything. and, yeah, that is by A7X, and i can play it on the drums. it is pretty awsome. your pretty awsome, lol. also, i couldn't find your name or anything, and plus, i don't have an xanga account. well, i geuss i will ttyl, or when ever. bye.
» zero_jak on 2005-11-04 10:33:54

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