I don't feel well today. Not so much sick, but more uncomfortable. Like something isn't right. But not like when I usually get this way. This time it's more along the lines of something is simply out of place. Rather than something completely wrong happening, it's merely a temporary inconvenience. I only wish I could place it. I'm not sure if it would make me feel any better though.

Anywho, I've been thinking about some stuff today. Before I met Jacob, I had had a dislike for people for quite a few years. Most of the cause was probably from the way that I was treated; I learned that people weren't nice and shouldn't be liked for those reasons. Rather than learning that not all people are that way; only handfulls here and there and ignoring the ones who deserve to be ignored. The dislike for society stuck with me.

Jacob is the same way, only his disklike for people is much more intensified. I'm beginning to wonder if some of that is starting to rub off on me. I've always had my days where I haven't wanted to deal with people. Days where I've purposly stayed in the house to ignore everyone, even if I knew I had something that needed to be done.

My new job requires a lot less effort and I have to deal with a lot less people, directly. Yet I find that instead of excitement for getting paid much more and having to do a lot less work, I don't want to go because of the few people I still have to interact with. I don't see anything wrong with any of them. None of them has done anything to cause me dislike them; it's just the way I feel.

I can still tolerate people more than Jacob can. Or at least I think I can. I can put on the mask and interact with society even on the days when I feel like locking myself in. He can too, but ... ugh. I'm not sure where I'm going with this. Maybe I just want to feel like I'm stronger than he is, in at least one sense.

Another thing that's been on my mind is jealousy. I asked him once if he felt any kind of jealousy towards anything that I've done, do or have and he said no, because he trusts me. Fully and wholy. There's absolutely no reason for him to be jealous and he's right to trust me. I trust him entirely, too; probably more than he realizes, but I still get jealous from time to time. It's part of who I am. There's really no reason behind it, but it's still there.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, for some reason, I'd like for him to show even a little jealousy on rare occasion. I want him to be a little jealous that I work with all guys {with the exception of one other female, who I rarely see anyway.} I don't know why, but it's something I want him to feel. Even if only once or twice.

Does what I'm saying even make sense? I don't know. Maybe, if I can muster up the courage or try to find the right words, I'll talk to him about it tonight.

I think I get what you mean. Like, if he got jealous, he might show more affection to be better than any potention competition? If that's not the case, well, I dunno. :P
» randomjunk on 2008-09-07 12:22:49

I get what you mean. Good luck with talking to you. I too purposely stay at home at times to avoid people.
» Nuttz on 2008-09-07 12:52:58

Yes, all is logical
The duly answer alprazolam pharmacy What about it will tell? xanax prescription The intelligible answer discount Xanax YES, a variant good diazepam without prescription It is a lie. cheap meridia dfb97e
» Damien (82.206.129.160) on 2010-09-04 01:05:38

Name.

URL.

[to enter your email, use "mailto:[email protected]"]
Subject.

Comment.

Word verification.

Copy the first 4 characters only.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.