I've been so confused lately. Jake keeps pushing me to figure out where I want to go and what I want to do. I know that I need to figure this out, but I'm trying to figure so much out at the same time it's hard to focus on only that.

We had a sort of house party the other night at my sister's. Jake brought Blue Ice potato vodka, cinammon After Shock and a 12 pack of Miller Chill. My sister and I had a nice buzz going, while Anthony, John and Jake got drunk. Altogether there were 11 of us there, but only 5 of us were drinking.

The night was great up until the alcohols finally mixed in everyone's stomachs and they didn't mix very well.

For two hours Jake wanted to talk. Even though I was tired, I stayed up and listened. I didn't think it was going to take that sort of turn though.

What am I supposed to do? He confessed to me how much he still loves someone. That he wanted her there to hold. I also found out that I had been having a poor attitude toward the wrong person. It wasn't the same one as I thought he still loved. The girl I thought he still wanted didn't even come up in conversation. Instead two names came up; two that I hear on a somewhat regular basis, but I always just thought they were good friends. The way he talked about them was just like they were his closest friends. It was very similar to the way he talks about his best friend, Mike. So of course I wouldn't think anything of it.

His mom mentioned the one name he did about a week before this drunken-incident and yes, it bothered me because he hadn't told me, but I pushed it aside. And came close to, not forgetting it, but not dwelling on it ... until he confessed his love for her. Now it's making me sick.

He told me how much he misses his home and that's an understandable thing. But he only brought up missing his home and two other people. I'm tyring very hard not to use the logic that she's the only reason he wants to go back. But when nothing or no one else came up in the reasons why he wants to go back? It's pretty hard not to use another logic.

I need to talk to him about this. It's all making me physically sick again. I need to get this off my chest and find out exactly what's going on before I get worse.

During the drunken stupor he also repeatedly told me how beautiful he thinks I am and that I should never let anyone tell me differently. That I need to know how beautiful I am. Right before we both fell asleep, he told me that he loves me. And that I should never forget that.

Is it possible to love two people at the same time, but in different ways?

I don't know from personal experience, but I would think you could love two people at the same time in different ways. It could be for different reasons, like the way you feel around them or the kind of relationship you have....
» randomjunk on 2008-08-10 05:10:50

Bella will tell you yes, loving two people in different ways is possible.

I will say I'm sorry I can't help you with this one. Stay strong. *hugs*
» Nuttz on 2008-08-15 07:10:29

:(
LS, I leave for a little bit and then this happens...

It sounds like Jake is the one who needs to figure things out. He loves someone else? TWO other people? Ridiculous. I can understand being torn between two different worlds, but when you add a third party, the definition of "love" gets reaaal blurry. Maybe I'm misunderstanding things, but that's what I gathered from the entry....

Talks are good...reaaaally good for a relationship. Just don't do it when he's drunk haha. Hopefully it'll grease the wheels and smooth things over...I hope everything gets better soon :) I know you've been through a lot in the past and I know you can make it through this too. Like Nuttz said...stay strong. Hope to hear from you soon
» The-Muffin-Man on 2008-08-16 06:17:03

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