I don't know what made me think about it, but something caused my mind to drift to my stepdad. I can't believe that its already been almost a year since he passed away. I know that I was nowhere near as close to him as I was my dad and as I am my mom now, but its still really affecting me. I only cried a couple times after he passed and this is the first time since last year I think. I'm not really even thinking about how its affecting me. I know that I'll be fine. I'm worried about my mom more than anything. I have no idea how its going to affect her. Especially with how hard the anniversary of my dad's death affected her this year. I want my mom to be happy and with these things so close together and with her not doing as well as normal, I wish I could do something. I don't want my mom to be hurt or upset. It upsets me even thinking about it. Like right now. I wish I had someone who I could talk to, but I don't know who. I mean I know that I can talk to my mom, but I don't want her to get upset because I am. I don't want her to think that I'm getting upset like this because I'm worried about her. I know that she worries about me cuz I'm her kid and that's part of being a mother. Man, the tears are making this hard to type. I worry because I care. I just wish that there was something that I could do that could make the hurt go away. I want to make it better. For me, for her, for all of us. Why did my mind suddenly drift to him? It just came out of nowhere. I was having a perfectly boring day and I was gonna lay down and get some sleep for tomorrow. Then this popped into my head. Nothing happened today to trigger it. Nothing. Alright I'm gonna try and get some sleep and not think about it. Maybe tomorrow I'll say something, but I'm not sure. I'll see how it goes.

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