Damn, I've written a lot of blogs over the last 12 years ... and the first two years got deleted.

I saw my therapist tonight, and I actually got quite a bit out of it. I was planning on going in tonight on the pretense that I'd be apologizing that it wasn't working and I didn't really feel like I was getting anything out of it. But I actually felt pretty good after I left. Now, I won't be going back again until February; his schedule is booked until then, but that was kind of the plan anyway. I wanted to wait to go back until after the facility move had happened. I'll call tomorrow or Wednesday to set up my next appointment.

I feel really bad about harassing my cousin's wife recently. I really don't know how to reconcile things without just saying sorry and then vanishing, so that's pretty much what I'm going to be doing. My therapist thinks that distance is good, so long as I don't completely disconnect. When I get too deep in to my own head, bad things happen. Sometimes I need people to pull me back up to the surface.

I'm beginning to think that being alone for the holidays affects me more than I let on. I don't mind being alone, even for the holidays, but I tend to disconnect even more than usual because I don't like seeing things that I'm missing out on. One of these years I'll have my own family and things will take on a whole new life, but until then, I'll keep to myself so that I don't get too upset about seeing the things I'm missing out on. It makes being alone a little easier that way.

I've decided not to write every day next year. I enjoy writing whenever I actually have something that I need to get out of my head, rather than trying to force things out that really aren't there. It was good for me that one year, but it's nice having *kind of* actual content to write about.

So until next time. . .

Context makes such a difference... I don't mind being alone a fair portion of the time (at least, in person), but over holidays it seems really terrible.
» randomjunk on 2016-12-20 02:55:21

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