Hello, to those people that dont read my page. Or to the 1 that does. Sry I havent been on this damn thing in forever. My ma is being a stubborn wench(anything unusual? NOPE) about using the comp at home b/c the warranty went out like a month ago, and she said 're not alowed to use it anymore cuz I might break it. Yeah ok, had that damn comp for 3 years and I NEVER BROKE IT, SHE DID! But thats my mom, everythings my fault and i'm the fuck-up. Geez, less than 2 years i swear, and i'm gone! i dont care if i have to live in a gutter when i turn 18 i'm out of that goddamn forsaken house. Yeah yeah theres kids in Samalia that are starving to death and kids that live in the alleys at 4 years old b/c thier parents abandoned them so i should be thankful i have a parent and a house and food, FUCK THAT SHIT. If i was so fucking thankful i wouldnt have spent all that money on 2 years of therapy trying to figure out why i was a worthless piece of shit and all those nights crying my self to sleep at night clutching a knife with my blood covering the blade. Try that for thankful, assholes. In case you havent already figured it out I'm in NO good mood. The only thing I have to look forward to is my 3 month anniversary with my rock star. Yeah i know 3 months is no big deal, but for me it is. I didnt think it'd last this long, honestly. when we first srating dating i thought it was just a fling type thing. both of us had talked and agreed that neither of us was interested in a relationship. He just got out of a 2 year long slice of hell and i had just gotten out of one of the most damaging relationships in my life (next to the one i have with my mother) seriously, who wants to have a boyfriend 4 months after running away from a guy who took his pleasure by giving you black eyes and throwing in your face how he fucked some other girl the night before.Daring me to say something, and when i did, i got hit. HARD. What was fucked up is when i finally realized that he had brainwashed me into thinking that i made a mistake and i deserved to be hit , i got enough nerve to tell my friends and most didnt believe me. and still dont to this day. hell my own mother didnt beleive me and i had the black eyes to prove it! she had the balls to say i did it myself to get attention. Oh yeah, heard that one many times. Like when i "forced my uncle to molest me" to get attention. Fuck her. I swear its a miracle i havent killer her or myself yet. i dont know why i brought all this anger and resentment up. OK yeah i do, my therapist has quiet literally DUMPED me ( he moved on to another branch up north) and i have no one to talk to the way i used to talk to him. its kinda not the same talking to your friends, b/c either way they are gonna agree with whatever i say, and its nice to have an adults opinion and atleast someone who trys to explain WHY my mom could possibly do and say those things. ::SIGHS:: but whatever, i'm done venting..............for now. I'm gonna go suck on some helium now and try to get a high, lol. atleast then i can laugh at myself as i talk like alvin the chipmunk.

....
and you can't talk to me that way? ::shakes head:: yea, i know i kind-a messed that up with all my talk of completeness, etc. but hey, i'm still your bro. i am still the Cassiel to your Kushiel. you know what i'm saying? there has never been at time when you could not call on me and say 'hey i need to talk', never. so call me. i wont come to you not this time,... you have to come to me, show me that you trust me.....
» lostsoul on 2004-06-26 05:32:45

girl i know what u r going through. i have been there when ur mom has said that dumb shit to u. like i told u before dont listen to her. she's just a wench n e ways. oh yea congrats on ur 3 months. honestly i knew it would last. hes a sweet guy and ur a sweet girl when u want to be. lol j/k. u know i luvs yas. n e ways tell him i said hey. i just broke up with my b/f after a month. as a matter of fact on our 1 month ann is when i broke up with him. he did some stupid stupid stupid shit this weekend and im not putting up with that in my life. i cant deal with it right now. i will write about it in my journal so if u wanna know the whole story just go read it. well im gonna go now. hope u feel better sweetie. i luvs yas and miss ya. ttyl heather
» sussexchik03 on 2004-06-28 08:24:01

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