I am not happy. At all. It seems I'm less happy than I was a year ago. I now constantly wonder what'll happen in the near future. I would explain my reasons, but my gosh that would be the longest entry ever. I think I'll only share one problem. >>
Never mind. I won't bore you. I'll tell my best friend. He'll understand, no doubt. I'll tell you about him, though.
We (family and I) went to King's Island two weeks ago (August 16). It was fun, but I wasn't entirely happy. Honestly, the only time I was happy was when I rode a ride, only because my mind forgot about life due to the adrenaline rush the rollercoasters provided. Then it was back to square one once I stepped out of the cars. Sigh.... Oh yeah. I was happy to be able to walk around alone for once. That was great. I wasn't happy to spend an entire day with people who I see all the time, which is waayyy too much. So much that it's unnecessary to see family so much, in this case it's my in-laws. But anyway....
Most of all, I wanted my best friend there. I won't reveal his name out of respect for him. I'll call him.... Blah. I'll think of one later.
Anyway, he's a great person. We have so much in common, that it's like we're the same person. We can tell each other anything and understand fully and completely. It's amazing. I've never known anyone like that, not even my own husband. I can hardly tell Joel anything, because I'm not comfortable to and I know that he wouldn't understand. Plus, he kinda gets upset when I do try to tell him things. Anyway, that's another story.
I'm so amazed at him (He needs an alias dang it!)! I'll call him....Tenshi, it's Japanese for "angel" which is what he is to me.
Anyhow, I am sooo amazed by him. It's amazing that we found each other. We have everything in common: Interests, views, beliefs, ect. Sigh.... I am very grateful. We tell each other EVERYTHING and we're so comforted by it. It doesn't bother us at all. His voice calms me when I'm happy and sad. We promised that we would tell each other what's on our mind whenever we're upset. That's why I wish he was at King's Island with me, because I missed him sooo much, because I care about him so much. Even our pasts are similar. Different events, but both very devastating.
I won't say much about everything, I just wanted to share how close I am to him and that I'm extremely happy to finally have a friend like that.
I am happier since we met. I've poured my feelings and thoughts on him. But I am still upset about other things that he, of course, already knows about. What makes me sad is that he lives so far away, in California to be exact, so we can only talk on the phone.... We plan to meet one day and hang out. It'll be great! I'm working on that right now. I can't wait until we talk again.
He said that I saved him from himself. He was sooo devastated, sad and depressed before I came along. Before, he couldn't open up to anyone. But we both felt a connection to one another, and we both opened up. He said I helped him with that, and that I'm the only person that he can open up to. Really, I'm the same way with him. I told him things I've never told anyone, things that have always hurt me all of my life, things that I found embarrassing or "not normal". Wow he's just so amazing. It's incredible.
He's incredible... He's a talented musician who plays the guitar and piano, sings and writes his own music and songs. He's shared it all with me over the phone and wow.... He's amazing. He's a great writer, is very intelligent, is trilingual in English, Japanese and French. He's sweet, kind, gentle, sensitive, considerate and just....ugh some words cannot describe him. I love him to death. He truly is THE best friend I've ever had. I'm just rambling all of these nice things about him, but they are very true and it's how I feel about him. I was shy at first, but I eventually admitted that if I weren't married that I'd like him as my boyfriend. He felt the same way. So we promised that if my marriage didn't work out, or something happened to end it, that we would definitely get together. Sigh... It's such a pleasant thought, and very comforting to know that he'll be there if something ever does happen.
Honestly, my marriage has been on my mind for over a year now. Thoughts of uncertainty, of how much my husband and I have changed since we got married six years ago, how different we are from one another now. Then, my sweet Tenshi walks into my life just in the nick of time. I just don't know. I'll have to see how things turn out.
I think I'll stop for now. I'm just rambling and jotting thoughts down. I tend to do that a lot.
Plugs: AmbyrJayde, renaye, everythinggirl, jolenesiah
"I can't live life in fear of some 'what if'." Clair Bennet - Heroes
It's great to have a friend like that. I'm sorry to hear that your marriage isn't in the best shape as well. Sending lotsa hugs! » ChrissyBabe1718
on 2008-08-28 02:33:53
So do you actually know this guy or do you just know him from talking to him on the phone? » Zanzibar
on 2008-09-29 03:42:45
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