watching: the screen, damn screen >:(
listening to: "Pimp my ride" my dad and bro are watcing it on MTV
mood: so sad

Religion and this poem

I don't usually read poetry, it's nice and everything and some of it's inspiring, but usually, if I don't relate to it, then I lose interest in reading it after the first stanza, or so. But this poem's kinda different, my mum found it and is sending it to my grandad, cos his wife died and I like it, I can relate to it, even though i'm not really into God. I was actually having a discussion about reigion with my dad the other night, last night I think, on the way home from work. I was telling him that I don't really buy all the God stuff and the bible and everything and he was like, "well humans have so much energy, it's gotta go somewhere when we die". I think it makes more sense that it just gets put back into nature though, like if you're buried under a tree, the worms take in your energy, or it goes into helping the tree grow and live. Well, that's what I believe anyway. So, nobody will prolly read this poem, but I don't care, it's my web log and I like it, so it's going in.

Brad

I am really, really frustrated and angry and hurt and annoyed, because of him. It's been 24 hours, more, since we last talked and our last coversation wasn't that great, infact, the last time I've had really amicable feelings towards him was the last time we were intimate (god, I hope he never reads this journal, he'd hate me). When he calls me, sparks fly and all of our problem and troubles seem to disppear, it's just him and I and we can be whoever we want to be, it's amazing. Lately, online, there's just all of this built up resentment I have against him, I can't talk to hm and have a regular, normal conversation, I can't flirt with him and talk to him about stuff that I'm thinking about, every conversation leads to us arguing or talking about how dificult things are. Ugh, stupid "The O.C." theme song is on t.v...I hate hearing it, cos he's from there and...just...ugh. If things don't work out between Brad and I, then Cole, please NEVER let me get into this situation again. If I start to get close to somebody online, then yell at me or something, do everything possible to let me know how foolish I'm being. I've never felt so much longing and pain and confusion at any one time in my life, as I am now. He actually told me, last time we talked, that we shouldn't plan when we're gonna talk online anymore, cos it's too difficult if something comes up and he can't talk or he's late. Things between us are going from bad to worse. People could place bets on when things are going to end between us...Two years, what a waste of such a good thing. Things could have worked out if he put in as much as I. I miss him so much. I resent the pain he's causing me. Yuck, mixed feelings are so confusing, it's causing me to put walls up when I talk to him, I'm like a robot..."yes", "ok", "alright", "sure". I wonder if he thought about me today.

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» Long (85.105.35.142) on 2010-09-03 06:41:09

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