A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using a
bowl of lifesavers. The children began to say:

"Red..........................cherry,"
"Yellow.....................lemon,"
"Green.......................lime,"
"Orange.....................orange,"

Finally the teacher gave them all honey lifesavers. After eating them,
none of the children could identify the taste. "Well," the teacher said,
"I'll give you all a clue, it's what your mother may sometimes call your
father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and
yelled: "Oh My God!!!! They're assholes!"

---

How To Clean Your Toilet - The Fun Way


1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.


4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,

The Dog

---

A C-130 was en route on a mission when a cocky F-16 pilot flew up next to him.
The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, "Watch this!"
He went into a Barrel roll, followed by a steep climb, then finished with a sonic boom when he reached the speed of sound.
The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought.
The C-130 pilot responded "That was impressive, but watch this."
The C-130 droned along for about 15 minutes then the 130 pilot came back on and said "What did you think about that?"
The F-16 pilot asked, "What did you do?"
The C-130 pilot responded "I got up, stretched my legs, went to the back poured a cup of coffee and used the restroom."

Any questions?

LOL
Nice entry. I gotta try that automatic toilet bowl cleaning deal, sounds like fun for the whole family!
» DeeVeuS on 2006-01-09 12:12:54

That cat story was.. wow. For shame.
» Dilated on 2006-01-09 02:17:59

i would totally accept your battle but...
i have no points. zip, none. but i would if i could.
» orjustnoone on 2006-01-09 03:56:44

oh, ok
if your willing to. thankx i love your jokes btw
» orjustnoone on 2006-01-09 06:14:29

:D
thankx :)
» orjustnoone on 2006-01-10 03:52:13

wonderful,wonderful jokes!! lol

the bg is pretty cool, makes ur posts harder 2 read tho
» CPKviperpheonix on 2006-01-11 08:53:14

Haha I liked the lifesavers one. [:
» bifocalLs on 2006-01-11 01:23:55

LOL, I like the lifesavers one too.
» dave on 2006-01-11 04:14:12

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