listening to: Armor For Sleep - Slips like Space
sure, i probably have about 1 reader nowadays, which is okay, because it doesn't bother me that nobody reads the shit i put up here, which it all really is... shit. i've tried to keep myself from putting stuff on here, or on my xanga, or anywhere on the internet, but for some reason, there's comfort to be had to know that its up somewhere, someplace, where it is easily reached by any prying eyes, the bored, the unentertained, whoever, it doesn't matter.

but it comes down to this is for me, and really nobody else. it is a place for me to store my thoughts and expressions of life, and granted the last few posts were nothing more than lyrics from cds i recently obtained (damn good cds too).

a look through my AIM buddy lists makes me realize that i don't know half the people on there anymore. the screennames bring me to a blank when i try to think of the person's face. i know we've met before, but i don't know who you are. oh well. for over a year, i haven't felt the need to talk to very many people anyways. you can't live in high school forever. it seems that my old way of thinking the world is going to end has come true. nothing is as it was and its all really good. its like, a new life, even though i never left town.

going through my old cds is so damn nostalgic and euphoric. its like going through a black hole and coming out the other end as i was a couple years ago. all the old feelings of love and loss and unrequitted and anger and satisfaction... and memories of people i've shared so many good things with, and people i've shared so many bad things with. i hope everyone finds their medium in life, and gets to where they want to be. i want everyone to be happy and smile and think back to the days when we were all together and think 'those were the best days of my life.' but i think i'm asking too much.

anywho... its amazing how much four days of vacation can do for you. going to new orleans was somewhat depressing from the circumstances which led me there, my ill grandfather with liver cancer who is undergoing chemotherapy. sad times, but everything else is going so well and i honestly don't know how things can muck up this time. i guess its all in a task of letting go. yesterday will always be yesterday... and too much time has been spent wishing i could redo yesterday.

eventhough everyday life is pretty uneventful, i wake at the crack of dawn and get ready for work, then leave my house about a quarter to 8 and work until 4:30, then i come home to watch tv, or post here, or listen to music. the sparse calls from my friends don't offer any relief from lonliness, but hey, i asked to be alone. i'm not trying to complain, just coping with the situation at hand.

but i'm making money

and its good money

at least i know i won't be 23 years old with no way to take care of myself.

i am thankful for that.

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