Friday while taking a co-worker of mine out to lunch I managed upon this interesting fortune: "Today your luck has been completely changed!" The next day on the way to work, my car gets water in the engine through the intake and nearly dies on me. Some luck, eh? Anyway, onto my musings. When my father was a young teenager (13-15ish), he had a paper route. This route didn't earn him much money ($3 a week roughly), but he saved and saved and bought himself a phonograph (record player). This phonograph which has been sitting around collecting dust in the attic for who knows how long, was finally taken down to my basement (fully finished and livable) and given its lil own spot. Then we sifted through a few records sitting around, and I even managed to find some needles lying arond so we got to play a few records. Despite a bit of crackling and some other noises due to age, the sound was sweet and soothing. If you ask me the crackling made it sound more authentic. Listening to the music of my dad's time felt nostalgic, though I have no real idea what living in his time was like. Somehow though, I could just feel it as if I knew what my dad was thinking. Most of the music was of the romantic type, and I could imagine an old couple strolling through memory lane and having a dance. It also made me think about that booth down at Six Flags where you could get your picture taken in costumes of different time periods, and how cool it would be to have someone special in my life to go do that with ;) More inspired stuff added to my lil book of date ideas!

Unfortunately all that music and jotting and thinking woke up my sleeping fear again. I feel old, and I feel pretty alone :/ I guess the reverse side to being able to watch horror movies without blinking is being constantly afraid of the future. But isn't it logical? Not living comfortably, not being able to travel, living the rest of my life alone, not ACCOMPLISHING ANYTHING IMPORTANT with my life... it's all very possible. In many ways I'd like to repress these fears through the presence of a significant other. At the same time, I want to keep these fears for focus and motivation. Lovely.

I end this entry with a quote by Harold Kelly: "The unavoidable consequence of human social life is a realization of the essentially private and subjective nature of our experience of the world, coupled with a strong wish to break out of that privacy and establish contact with another mind." Where is my contact damnit?! :P

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