life in the last 2 weeks has been rather routine, waking up early, gg to oeti, learning weapons, taking ipa, gg home, slack, run/jog, slp, and repeating the cycle all over again..shiok hur? to some yes, others no..
alrite, to many, learning weapons might be really cool, true, but where's the use in this knowledge and skill after ord? i dun really see myself getting employed in any of the big thriving industries for being able to repair guns..ahaha. correct me if im wrong.
once again, i am learning sth tt i cant really put to use in the future, like my diploma in biz ad, which i spent 3 years in sp getting. i dun even noe wad i wan to do with it, how to apply tt knowledge i got, and in fact, alot of it has already been given back to my lecturers...i spent 3 years in poly fooling ard, skipping classes, playing pool, lan, daidee, and wasting thousands of dollars of my parents' hard earned money..without a thing to show for it, except a diploma with lousy grades tt cant even put me to a decent course in any local uni...nt tt i noe wad i want to study in uni even if i could go there, which is wad my mom has constantly been bugging me abt, to go study sth, a course or wadever...but really, i dunno wad i wan to study. the only difference between poly and now is tt im getting allowance fr saf, a meagre 350 a mth, which barely sustains my transport fares, meals and bills, blah blah..for sth i cant put to use after 2 years in the army..unless i choose to continue as a arms tech in saf, which i dun.
looking ard, many of my frens are in the search and pursuit of their dreams, 'searching for their polestars' as wad ken would say..but im not...my only current goal is to recourse in cdo ts and pass out with a red beret. far-fetched? given my current situation, and the fucked up way tt cpc works, mayb so. but even if i manage to achieve that goal, so wad? i can be a fucked up commando for all i noe, lots of those ard, or i could be a good one, and i might continue in the saf after ord if i like it.
which brings me to another pt, ns. alot of ppl i noe simply hate ns, think of it as a liability, pain in the arse for two years, but i dun. im really enjoying it, such tt i have considered signing on with the army not once, buy many times, but i juz cant make up my mind. some might say its too early for me to say so, others tt im siao, out of my mind..wadever. but for me, it seems like a viable path, mayb coz i dun noe wad my polestar is gonna be, and also becoz of the money involved, which is way better than wad a fresh grad would get outside in the first few years following graduation.
so wad is this entry all abt? im griping abt my current insecurities and stuff? or issit a reflection of my life and wad i want? mayb a little of both. but wad i do noe is, i have wasted 20 years of my life achieving nothing. close frens and my family can attest to tt. i've always wanted to be a leader, but much of the time, im more of a follower..wtf..and again, the word 'mayb' has appeared quite a few times in this entry, why? i dunno. but mayb its becoz my life thus far has been a "mayb" or "probably" all along. hah.
adios.
be happy, live life hi bro, seen your entry. Do u noe a late bloomer? And u might be just that. And probably a very successful one. Who knows? No one knows what happen in the future. Everyone seems to have a goal, but not you. Why not take it as a buffer time to search for a better "polestar"? After all, we are still young. In this stage of life, no one can confirm to be successful than one another. The only thing for sure is that we are still a small boat out at the vast sea, supporting each other, and seacrhing for the polestars. Werner, you can too.
» Tu lan meng (202.156.6.69) on 2005-10-09 04:41:18
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