Dad,

How hard is it to be a dad? Not that hard.
You have made so many mistakes�and I have forgiven most of them.
Yet�you just keep making them.
Keep ruining things�.it�s your fault we are not close.
I can�t even yell at you because you would cry.
But it�s okay for you to make me cry�

I have given you so much slack�
You missed everything in my life. There are literally 3 photo�s of us from 5th grade to my high school graduation. Therefore making any type of a scrapbook of us is really out of the question.

�You cheated on mom�you think because I was 10 I didn�t know what you were doing. But you are an ass for that.

You should never have a negative thing to say about my mother because she has given everything up for you. Yet you just walk all over her and make her cry. She deserves so much better. Maybe when I graduate and she finally has the guts to leave you will see how amazing she is.

Maybe then you will see everything you missed. I can�t believe you have the balls to say she was beautiful once�now her beauty is on the inside. What kind of a vain SOB are you? I should have told you I had to photoshop a photo of the two of you because you looked to fucking old. She might not be the thinnest but so what, she is so beautiful and you can�t even see it.

I have not let myself become upset with you this year because I know it was hard losing Nana and Pap-Pap last winter. But I also thought that would make you cherish what you have more. I thought that you would want to make my last Holiday Season at home something special�.

I don�t understand how you can always want to leave our house to watch football when I am home. Fucking record it! All I wanted was to have a family night of putting the tree up and decorating it. But you have to try and leave. And catching me crying was the only reason you stayed home. Then all you even do it put the lights on the tree, walk out of the room and turn the game on�it was the ravens!! Not even your team, the Ravens were more important then spending time with your family?! Really?? You suck at everything

Making me putting the decorations on the tree alone was your last chance with me.
I am over trying to have a relationship with you.
You missed my life. You missed 8th grade graduation, you missed all my plays, you missed my concerts, you missed homecomings, you missed Proms, you missed me getting my heart broken for the first time, you missed me crashing my car, you missed EVERYTHING for work. What about now?? You have been around for 5 years yet know nothing, you don�t try, you don�t really care when it works for you. Then it�s always something not fun and you make rude comments and I feel weird. When you wake up and realize all of this, I won�t be waiting.

Mom is all I need, so just leave me alone.

I stared at the link to this entry on the Nutang home page for the longest time, debating whether or not I should click it because I had a feeling what was coming next.

I have nothing to say to you because I don't know your life...and I don't want to pretend to give advice for something I don't fully understand. That was really beautifully written though, and I just wanted you to know that I read it.
» The-Muffin-Man on 2008-12-01 12:11:40

:(
ditto on what muffy said
» Zanzibar on 2008-12-01 02:06:21

i may not understand the whole part but i can understand the part where ppl dont try to make the effort to have a relationship, especially someone dear to us. also ive been through the same road as u did where u knew what were ur dad up to. my dad walked out on me when i was 12, its been a good 11 years now. when he walked out i knew it was cuz of some other woman and he told me some other reasons n not only that, he also talked bout negative things bout my mom as well. at that point i hated him so much but as the years pass by, i knew that one day he'd to pay for wht he did to us. im sure one day u and ur mom will have a beautiful life together without someone to spoil it. i treasure my relationship with my mom much more now that ive been through the ups n downs wth her and i know how you feel over there
» AlexisNg on 2008-12-01 12:43:13

my father didn't walk out from my family but how my mother, sis and i wish he did because our home is not a hotel-like where one can come back anytime he wants.

and same here, we want to have nothing to do with my father. i'm soooooo over of trying to understand him. i didn't give up on him but i tell myself not to continue to pursue the understanding of him because it's pointless. as the saying goes, it takes two to tango.

i wish my mother walks out from him especially my sis and i have been working. but for some reasons my mum didn't and continue to suffer. i don't think i would ever understand why she did this. but because of this selfish act, i alongside with her have to suffer.

i hope u will have a better life than me soon...
» renaye on 2008-12-01 09:39:57

one day, he'll realize how amazing of a person you are.. and that he had nothing to do with it. Except, in the fact that he made you strive harder to be better than him. You really only need one loving parent to make it through, even though it can't hurt to have both. You know he cares about you though, christine.. he wouldn't break down in tears when you try to talk to him, he wouldn't try to call and work things out.. it's just, he was never involved in your life and his priorities are all out of whack. i'm not saying that any of the things he did was right or even that he's a good father.. but he does care about you. You don't need him though, you're the most independent person i know! and just think about how proud you make your mother, she at least has you throughout this whole thing, and that's a wonderful thing. she did an amazing job of raising you on her own. i dunno. lol. umm.. you... er.. um.. :-D
» ThisCharmingMan on 2008-12-03 08:33:41

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