I saw Bettie the other day. I was shocked by my reaction. I was actually excited to see her. Everything seemed to have come back to me. Although, I'm not quite sure why I was soo shocked. It's not like that has never happened to me before. And of course, the feelings would be a lot stronger, since..I don't know, we were more intimate. In any case, I was just surprised how unnumb I am now.

I was thinking something in the bathroom while I was taking a shit and I totally forgot what it was. Oh yeah. I'm finding myself in need of a social life. It's weird. I guess, I actually just want to hang out with people my own age. I want to know what it's like to live the high school life. I want to be able to be reckless and impulsive. I don't want to think of the consequences anymore. I just want to have fun for once in my life. I just want to act like my age.

I still feel like I'm every where at once. And I can't seem to find that balance of where I want to be. I feel like I should be doing something more with my life, but I'm stuck at a plateau.

I need change. I need change right now.

I feel so young and yet so old, so jaded and so innocent, all at the same time.

Ugh.

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