I'm suddenly not in the mood to talk to anyone. Seriously, I just want time for myself. To ponder things and such. I knew I shouldn't have gotten high, lol, weed has the habit of making me depressed afterwards. I guess. I don't know. I think a lot when I'm high and after until it's out of my system anyhow. I'm as happy as I'm ever going to get at this point in my life I suppose. Candice is right, I do want more, and I don't think I can keep doing this. I think I've already managed to block a part of me off from getting hurt. Things are already starting to become different. I still love her, but I can't go on continuing to sacrifice things. It has become very apparent that Candice isn't going to sacrifice anything for me. Not until she's ready, and I'm not sure she is going to be ready. I don't want to pressure her. It's not like I could make her do anything she didn't want to do in the first place. I understand that it's scary, and it hurts, but I don't know, I am willing to make that sacrifice. I hate being punished for someone elses misdeeds. But that's how life works, right? She wouldn't be happy if she commited anyways. And all I want above all else is for her to be happy. But I can't be happy and have her happy if I don't hold a part of myself back. I can't do it anymore. It hurts too much. When she's ready, I'll be waiting. If someone else happens to step into my life during that time, we'll see, right? I can't wait for her forever as much as I want to.

Love is hard to find. I don't think I'll be finding it again anytime soon. And I'm content with how things are with Candice. It just makes me happy knowing that she is.

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» Jewel (189.17.177.120) on 2010-09-02 07:19:06

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