I hate family reunion/dinner type stuff. I hate it soo much. I never realized just how much I wasn't myself when I'm around the family. I'm absolutely miserable. Seriously, it's kind of sad. Everyone has their fake smiles and all that shit. I am definitely the odd duck in the family. But I don't give a shit, because they can just fuck themselves. I'm tired of my parents complaining about what I want to do in life, or how I dress, how I handle things, how I'm way too nice and I shouldn't be too nice because out in the real world you have only yourself and people will step on you if they have a chance. I hate how they're in constant denial of my sexual orientation. I'm not the person that they want me to be and I will never be that person. I refuse to be the stupid stereotypical everyday "I have to be like everyone else because it's wrong to be original" type of person. They disapprove of me wanting to be a psychologist when I grow up, instead they want me to be some all star flute player. Good for them. I don't want to be an all star flute player like James Galway. Sorry, I would rather help people, or try to help them, is that really so horrible? I don't want to live a life of fame. I'm not that kind of person. Yes yes yes, all parents want is the very best for their children. But they get blinded by what they think will be best for their children that they don't realize what it really is. Shit. I am so moving to California. I don't care what they say. They may be right, they may be wrong. They're probably right. But for once, I just want to experience life. Just experience it and not worry about what will happen in the future. Maybe I'll regret it, maybe I won't, as long as I'm alive and learning and experiencing then it's all good. If it doesn't work, I'll move back, or I'll find a way for it to work. I already found a temporary place to live in California. My cousins offered. They'll rent the bottom half of the house to me if I really wanted to live there. They're young too, 22-23 somewhere around there, young innocent and naive and soo ignorant. OMG. It's amazing. It'll be fun. I've made my decision. And it's not changing. Today for some reason was a big eye opener. I don't know why. It's just, I see them, and I don't like what I see. I refuse to live a life that they've set out for me. Sooo, now I'll just have to get my cousin to agree. LoL. That should be amusing, I don't think they actually believed that I meant what I said. But they offered, and I'm taking it. And my parents can just go fuck themselves for all I care. I refuse to let their words bring me down any longer. I'm my own person. This is my life. I want to make my own mistakes. Plus, hehehe, they live really close to Berkley. Which means, they live very close to Candice, hehehe. But I am not moving there for her. If something changes between us, if we end up never talking to each other (which I hope doesn't ever happen) I am still moving there. 100% sure. That's what I want to do. That's what I really want to do. And we all know, when I really want to do something, I really do it. Something good did come out of the dinner. I don't have to worry so much about money when I do move there. I don't have to worry too much about finding a place to live quite so quickly. I have family there that can show me around help me get settled. And I am definitely going to go to N. Cal this Spring break. At least, I'm 88% sure I am. And I am going to live with Candice and not my cousin! Hehehe. I'm excited.

Okay, I feel better now that I'm done bitching.

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