I've never really thought about this before until today. But I think my greatest weakness and my greatest strength is my selflessness or something. It's the thing that helps the most people but the thing that hurts me the most. And I guess it's a good thing that I'm such a masochist. It balances me out. I have such contradictive sides of myself, it's not wonder people think I'm weird. Nicole says I get all weird when I talk to Candice. I wonder which side of me she sees. I do not get all weird! What the hell? I wonder how I get all weird. I'm more serious and goofier when I talk to Candice. And I'm mushier and more...me? I'm more submissive! I don't know! Shit! No, it's not my selflessness that's my greatest weakness/strength. It's my love. Or something along those lines. I really don't know how to name it. It's the part of me that wants to give everyone a chance, that sees the good in everyone, that believes to some extent that everyone deserves and can be helped, that they are good people, and all that stuff! And I found it really amusing that my advice to Blanca was totally different from what other people gave her. In fact, it was the exact opposite. I don't know. I guess you can say I have faith in humanity. If I was in Blanca's position, to me it would be worth it. But then again, I AM a masochist, and I do enjoy the emotional pain therefore I know I can handle it. That's what love is to me. To me, if I really really love someone, truly and honestly, then it would be worth the pain. And it's so hard to find someone that will let you love them without them taking full advantage of it. But with Candice it's a different kind of love. It's a sacred kind of love. I truly would sacrifice everything for her. I would move there in a heart beat if she really wanted me to. Michael in group said that it was stupid to sacrifice so much for love. He said that you should always do things for you before you do them for someone else. And you know, thinking about it, aren't I doing this for me? I know the consequences. It could all end up in disaster, but it could not, but isn't that what love is? Taking the risk. If you took no risk, where would you be? Where would anyone be when it comes to love? Yeah. I've always been doing this to some extent or another. I sacrifice a lot for a lot of people. I do a lot for a lot of people. It's just the way I am. It's one of my personality traits. Just like my stuborness and my rebelliousness is part of my personality trait. I don't know. Wow, Candice is right. I finally see it now.

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