Damnit, the school blocked the xanga site. How annoying. I'm so bored. And really confused about this Animation thing I'm suppose to be doing but it's already done for me or something. I'm confused.

Ahhh. I need to talk to Blanca today. I don't even know what I'm going to say to her. Obviously, all her games that she's playing with everyone just needs to stop. I'm going to ask her about the write up. I wonder if she's the type of person that will admit that she was lying when she's caught in a lie, or she's going to keep on denying it. You know, this really doesn't bother me all that much though, that she took advantage of me and all that jazz. The kiss didn't mean jack shit to me. What bothers me now is that that kiss opened the doors to her being able to boss me around. As much as I like being controlled, I don't like being controlled in this way. It irks me to no end. So I'm going to tell her today, if she's going to tell me to do something, then she better be doing something as well, if she doesn't, she is no better than Erica. All fucking talk.

I really don't want to charge her with sexual assualt though. Even if she is playing dirty, I don't want to play dirty back. I mean, it's not like I tried to stop her from kissing me, ya know? So it really wasn't sexual assault. But then again, it is kind of sexual assault in a subtle way. I don't know. I'm too nice of a person. I want to do it but then at the same time I don't. I don't know. If she wasn't doing the same shit to Chantelle and Nicole I wouldn't, but since she is, I'm going to because that's just fucked up. LoL. It doesn't bother me when it's done to me but it bothers me when it's done to someone else. I'm not angry about it anymore. That's why I don't want to charge her with it. But ughh. I don't know.

I hate myself sometimes. No I don't. I'm just too nice. I just want to help her. I want to help everyone. But I don't think doing this will make things better for her. Maybe it's not suppose to, other people are at risk too, but I still want to just help her. I don't want to screw with her the way she's screwing with me. I don't want to sink down to her level. I want to bring her up. But people always seem to take advantage of it and they never really change. I don't know. I don't know.

It's a curse. Wanting to help everyone and believing everyone can be helped. Ughh. My idealism.

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