Monday. 11.22.04 5:06 pm
I can't think of titles for my entries anymore.
I think I am going insane. It's really difficult to control myself especially when I'm home alone and it's dark and I'm horny as fuck. God damnit. And I don't feel like disobeying her twice in one day. I'm terrified of the consequences. Well, yes and no. My body aches to be touched so badly right now. This is what happens when you're horny, and it's cold and wet outside, and you're told not to wear any undergarments under your clothes. The smallest touch of my shirt against my hardened nipples just sends a jolt of pleasure through me. Too small to satisfy me but enough to drive me up the fucking wazoo. And it takes every ounce of my energy to fight my hands off, which only makes me even hornier knowing that I won't touch myself, I can't, because I belong to her. I've already surrendered my heart and body. And soon it'll be my mind. Soon, I'll be completely hers. Soon, I'll be jumping to her every command. Soon, I'll be doing whatever she wants me to, for the simple reason that she commands it, and she owns me. I'm hers and no one elses. So why wouldn't I not want to do what she says?
See how my mind is starting to change? I like it. She's on the verge of breaking me. I can feel it in every fiber of my bones. My stubborness is failing me. I put up my last fight today. Not that I'm trying really hard to fight because I want to be completely hers, but I've always been one to like the fight, to see how long it would take for someone to break me, which I don't even really know why I do other than the fact that I'm just stubborn and I like it. But I'm already regretting not obeying her today. I'm already fearing the consequences. The punishments that are coming. I've debated just lying to her, but I can't, not to her. Never to her. I can just imagine it. She's going to ask me if I went back to school. And when I tell her that she didn't, I'll hear the way her voice changes, the coldness and the steel like quality that comes from disappointment.
I have this strange feeling that tonight will be the night that I beg for her forgiveness.
Tonight will be the night that I will be broken, because I don't think I can fight it anymore, I don't want to.
Tonight will be the night I'll be completely hers.
wow, im lovin your layout doode. from blogskins, eh? seksayy!! im lovin` ett =]. dunt forget to remove those um, things upp dere (blogitembodys & change your links too). juss saying. xoxo, Sha~Sha
» Sha_Sha on 2004-11-22 11:53:04
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» Chris (60.217.232.86) on 2010-08-29 07:44:51
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