Right. My co-workers really fucking pissed me off today. I think we came to the agreement that we don't like each other. Thank goodness one of them is leaving. I can't really remember how they pissed me off. It's just my luck I throw myself into a homophobic environment. That's not true. Not all of them are homophobic. Just ignorant. But Erric and Anthony, the two co-workers that pissed me off tonight, always make subtle remarks about me being a lesbian. But that's not the reason why I got pissed off. I really don't know why. It's some where along the lines where joking becomes so excessive that it's annoying. Not to mention, we all know that jokes have some truth in them. Even my manager makes remarks that I know has some truth in them some where. Like the past few days that I went in when I wasn't working, he's been calling me a "little boy." I know very well what is said behind my back. And frankly, I'm sick of it. Say it to my face and I will admit fully that I love girls. In any case, I'm quiting. I don't have time, and it's just not place. I'm giving my two weeks notice tomorrow. There's no way in hell I can work, do marching band, and take hard classes in school at the same time. Anyways, time for some news. I'm starting to question my gender identity. Rej was kind of enough to recommend a selection of books for me to read which I will definitely be looking into. Until a few days back, I knew nothing, absolutely nothing about transgenderness. Nothing. It was something that I didn't want to look into. Something I never really wanted to acknowledge. But the fact that I didn't know anything about it made me want to know something about it. And that's when I had to face what I have repressed for so long. Honestly, being a lesbian wasn't something that was difficult for me to accept. But this is. However, I'm not going to go about denying the fact that I'm a genderqueer. In fact, deep down inside, I know I am. I guess I need some kind of proof to prove that I'm sure I am. So that's why I'm going to read those books. So I can get a better understanding of who I am and what not. Until then, I'm just stuck in the middle. It's just weird. It's weird that I'm a genderqueer. I don't identify as either male or female. There's a lot of feminine qualities that I like about myself and that I would like to keep, but then there are others that I don't like, and vice versa with the masculine parts. But I could never ever see myself as male nor a female because I feel both male-ish and female-ish.

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