DarknessPrevails's Weblog Site • NuTang.com

I just watched a really good movie called So Close. Omg, it's so sad, but it has an happy ending but it doesn't because it's all realistic and stuff. Why are most of the good movies all foreign? I think I'm going to go buy the movie. It's soo..I can't even find the words to describe it. I'm filled with soo many emotions, good and bad, right now that it's just..overwhelming. What a great movie. And the asian chicks in there were fucking beautiful. The cop looks really familiar, I think I've seen her in some Jackie Chan movie or something. Wow. Unbelievable. It was great. Absolute genius. It gets me thinking. Which is kind of bad right now. I haven't really looked at a girl in what seems like ages. I think I just kind of shut that part of me down. But after watching that movie, I curse it now, omg, it was fucking beautiful. It hit like ALL my soft spots, repeatedly. And you know who it made me think of? May. I think May is like the only asian person that I have ever been attracted to that's not an actress or something. I still don't understand why I looked up to her. Seriously. If it would work, even in friendship, I would still be there. She's just closes herself off to everyone but guys. And opens herself up to the wrong fucking guys, and gets into a habit of doing it, and it's frustrating because it's stupid! LoL. Fuck. The feelings are coming back again. My parents never liked her. Then again, they don't like any of my friends. I think I thought of May as an older sister. I know I did. How to explain. Priscilla knows! The whole your younger so they just kind of adopt you into the "family"...who accepted you when you felt that you wouldn't fit in. That kind of thing. That was the past. So anyways, the customer that suggested that I watch So Close, said that I would really like it because it fit me. Which gets me to question just how much he knows about me. Or was it just coincidence that it just happened to have these two chicks loving each other. I wish my mom was more understanding to the fact that I'm a lesbian. Or more accepting. Or whatever. I really do. Now, it's just something that we don't talk about. Hell, I haven't even told my dad yet. Although, he must have his suspicions, I don't exactly try to hide it. But then again, it's like what that one guy said at the book store, "It's not your problem, it's theirs." I suppose that's another reason why I can't wait for college to start. I can finally get away and be myself. I don't have to hide behind some fucking curtain. And I can express myself in any fucking way I want to. Thank goodness. I need to be more assertive.