I still don't know if I should start taking Zoloft again. I don't know. I just don't want to. I don't know why I don't want. I just don't. Actually, I do. It feels like my happiness is being faked I guess. Because everyone is always telling me that I don't need to take it, I control how I feel. And I guess, a big part of me really does believe that. I remember, before I started taking Zoloft, I didn't want to be put on meds because I truly believed that antidepressants were for the weak. I believed that certain things make you depressed and taking a fucking pill isn't going to solve the problems that made you depressed in the first place. I'm not saying this just because the therapist that I went to basically told me the same thing. She says happiness is a choice. But I think I've been asking the wrong question. I shouldn't be asking myself, "If happiness is a choice, why can't I be happy?" I should be asking myself, "Is depression a choice?" I've never really noticed this until I got put on Zoloft, but I have all the signs of clinical depression. I can't concentrate worth shit, I'm tired all the fucking time, I sleep all the fucking time, most of the time I really don't want to do shit, I don't want to talk to people, shit I don't wanna interact with anyone, I have major mood swings, and I've been eating way too much. Maybe I should be put back on Zoloft. I know I should. But I don't believe I should.

There's just something about it that I don't like. It makes me too energetic. That isn't a bad thing, but I feel even more ADD when I'm on Zoloft because I feel like I always have to be doing something. But I am happier. *Sigh* I don't know. I'll talk to my mom tomorrow.

Doctor, doctor, here I come again.

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» Waylon (60.217.232.35) on 2010-09-03 10:46:23

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