Sunday. 6.20.04 1:49 am
Hmmm. I'm not jealous of Rej anymore. This whole jealously feeling has slowly faded over time. Okay, maybe I'm just a teeny tiniest bit jealous still. But it's honestly not enough to get me all depressed again. And that feels good. Jealously makes your head go 'round in crazy circles. Speaking of depression, I know what makes me depressed. Well, I've always knew but I just decided to acknowledge it at this moment. I may not seem like it, but I'm a god damn perfectionist. That makes me feel sick. I'm exactly like my dad on this. I'm a big perfectionist. And the fact that I don't do things "perfectly" ends up pissing me off and getting me depressed. But instead doing anything about it, I just let it get worse and the depression just grows larger. Why don't I want to do anything about it? Because I don't like perfectionist! That's not true. It's because I know that there is no possible way for me to be perfect at something. And not to mention, perfectionist are a tad bit annoying with their anal obessiveness. Plus, being a perfectionist takes effort, effort that I don't want to give. It's like another battle. I got pissed off last night because when I was straightening up the new release wall I had to make sure it was perfect. But it toook fucking forever and it made me mad cause I was making myself take longer just so it could look perfect. It's late and I'm kind of rambling, so if I don't make sense. Well, that's just too bad. Priscilla has seen my obsessive nature. I'm really picky about matching clothing. Non-matching stuff just bothers me. I'm not a clean person but I'm a neat person. But this whole being perfect side of me I've kept down for a very long time. I'm tired of being depressed over stupid shit like that. But the funny thing is, I'm still going to be depressed just not as depressed because when someone tries to be perfect, they never achieve their goal because no one can be perfect, and by not being perfect upsets me. But I guess it's better then not trying at all and thus upsetting myself even more then need be. I could sooo get straight A's if I wanted which is my goal next year because yeah my GPA needs to go up like majorly. I don't have the patience to focus on one thing anymore though. I swear, my concentration has totally gone down the hole. I'm so confused. I'm totally contradicting myself I think. Oh well. See. My battle. My head. And I'm starting not to make sense. It's time for me to sleep.
Goodnight!
Whether there are analogues? Rather valuable message
xenical price What necessary words... super, magnificent idea
order tramadol Yes, really. All above told the truth.
phentermine without prescription I have removed it a question
prozac generic I shall simply keep silent better
buy ambien online 98986f
» Shane (222.89.92.106) on 2010-08-31 10:15:14
If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.
