There's a reason why I didn't want to play softball this year other then I'm lazy. Although that's the reason everyone thinks. I didn't want to play softball this summer because some of the people on the team really annoy me, okay only like two people. Second, because there's so much competition between my dad and another dad. Third, I never really felt like I fit into the team, which is pretty stupid of me to think because I did in a sense. And sitting there watching the team play just made that hit home. Because once I was on the other side of the fence, that's when I felt like I didn't fit in. That I wasn't part of the team. It surprised me that I actually felt sad. Haha. So I want to play.

Since I make an effort to be honest here. There's really one..okay two reasons why I want to play. One, of course being, that I miss playing. LoL. And second, god this is going to sound so bad, I miss showing off and being better then everyone. =D Not to mention, this is the evil behind my motivation, my ex math teacher's (the one that I don't like) daughter is on the team and she is taking my position. I don't like that. If it was someone else, I wouldn't mind, but it's her. Of all people. So I want my position back. But I'm really not playing just because of the stupid grudge. LoL. I really want to play.

I actually want to prove to that ex teacher of mine that I'm actually good at something, and her fucking dadd, omg, what the fuck, he's sitting on the bench acting like he knows everything! So there ya have it. The side that is never revealed. I am a very competitive person. I live for the competition. Which is bad because once the competition is gone I stop. Haha. And I never get good again. Hmmm. Sounds like everything I was ever good at but never really liked doing enough. Competition. Mmmm. I miss the adrenaline rush actually. If I have it, the adrenaline rush, no one, and I mean NO ONE would be able to beat me. That sounds so egotistical but it's true because I would do everything in my power (except cheat or play unfairly) to be better then that person. If I really want something I'll give it my all, if I don't want something, I say "fuck it, I'm not doing shit." Yep yep. That's the type of person I am. It's got it's flaws and advantages. Never take a competition personal though. That fucks you up. Mmmm. I can taste it. I miss it. LoL.

Katie asked me what was the best compliment I was ever given. I was about to say that I'm a good flute player. But I decided not to because everyone tells me how good I am on everything that I have ever put my mind to. It's rather redundant. Everyone compliments me on how well I do in something, but never me as a person.

Priscilla is here. Bye

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