This is why I don't like hanging out with him. He's always trying to feel me up and shit and he doesn't stop when I tell him to. And to think I almost kissed him. That just makes me want to barf. Today sucked. It sucked ass. I'm falling again. Whee. What great fun. Not really. I was depressed. I've been depressed all fucking day. For the first time in a long time I've considered cutting. I thought I got over her. But I didn't. I thought I got over a lot of people actually, but I didn't. It hurt to see her with that chick. To maybe think that she was actually interested in her. I could just be paranoid. Talk about major jealousy. I'm starting to rue the day that I let that stupid emotion through. Even if she was interested in her, there ain't shit that I can do. That's why I'm like all pissy and shit and depressed. Because of all things, it still fucking hurts to see her with another girl who has a chance of gettin' with her. Who lives so near. Her eyes dialate when she looks at her. They don't dialate when she looks at me anymore. But then again, that is to be expected, we aren't going out. And he makes me feel dirty. He makes me feel weak and helpless. He makes me want to go shoot myself in the fucking head and put myself out of my misery. Not really. This is a bad weak and helpless. And I just loved how my mind went blank and all emotions left me when he had me pinned to the ground. You think I would be smart enough not to go to the park with him at night. Shiloh is ruined. It is now tainted with bad memories. I can never go back to that place without seeing that fucking scene in my fucking head. This whole sexual thing is not working out for me. I'm turning it off right now. Never again. Pleasure is just not worth it anymore.

It's time for isolation. I can't deal with these emotions anymore. Apathy is my happiness. There we go. Happiness is a choice. I choose apathy.

I'm putting an end to all of this.

Never again. Never again. Never again. Never the fuck again.

Everyone just leave me the fuck alone.

guys are assholes
» xcutthroatkissx on 2004-05-17 09:26:13

or rather, people are assholes
» painless on 2004-05-17 10:18:25

C.
i told you not to chill with him anymore. i told you what would happen. i told you. you didn't listen. and now i have to kill him.
» She (207.235.211.48) on 2004-05-17 01:21:24

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