Mahmud got me thinking about how exactly I got over her. And I honestly must say that I don't know. It just kind of happened. With time, the pain just kind of faded. I talked about it a lot to Priscilla. And surprisingly, she was the only one that had the patience to listen. It was Priscilla that helped me a lot. With her friendship, she helped me realize that I didn't need her. That I only managed to convince myself that I needed her. I guess in a sense the thing that I wanted the most was a companion. And I started looking for it in the wrong place. But then again at the time I didn't know I was into girls. Or rather I refused to accept it. However, deep inside I knew that I had fallen hard for her. A little too hard. I was searching for love when I was suppose to be searching for friendship. It was Priscilla loyalty and trust, her compassion and her honesty, along with my Will for the pain to stop that helped me get over her. I don't think I would have gotten over her if it wasn't for Priscilla. I think I would still be trying to hold on to that thread. Letting myself get hurt everytime I heard her say that she loved someone else. Priscilla saved me.

And now I'm put back into the same situation, but this time it's more complex. And this time Priscilla isn't here to save me from myself. I have to do it on my own. I just love the obstacles life gives me. And there was no sarcasm in that.

Anyways, she helped me by just listening, by letting me vent all my pain and never getting annoyed when I did it. That's how I got over her. And I don't know what made her so different from my other friends that I told. I guess it was just her charming charismatic nature. Haha. No, two empty souls know one another. It was because out of all my friends, she was the one that could sympathize, she was the one that cared, and she was the one that didn't turn a deaf ear on me. I guess she was the only one that understood. And plus, I felt really comfortable around her.

She took a lot of heat from her that was suppose to be directed at me. And I guess that just made me realize. Something just clicked in my head then. What's the point of hanging on when you know that it's not going to work? To this very day, four years later, I still care about her and I still love her. I'm just not in love with her anymore. Even though we rarely talk now, if she called for help I would still help. It's good to have hope, but false hope can destroy you rather then help you. Wow, it really has been four years. That seems so long ago.

Hmmm. So the point is you just gotta accept the way things are and only then will you be able to truly let things go. Pain can help you grow if you let it. I learned a lot from falling hard for someone I could never ever get. You just gotta be able to find the lesson in this and NOT GIVE UP! Hehe. Plus, even if you do give up you'll still hurt. It'll hurt even worse actually.

Alright. I have to go.

Goodnight!

hello
false hope... GRRR >:O... and ya jes u gotta think bout wat ur gonna do, hangin on to wats gonna potentially not work out is like hanging on to nothin, wow i guess i've been hanging on to nothing =(
» mahmud (66.141.169.62) on 2004-05-08 09:57:13

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