I haven't been writing anything personal lately. And I haven't told anyone anything personal either, which is really different for me. It doesn't go into the usual pattern. I've just noticed how weird it is not being able to tell Priscilla everything. I mean, Priscilla was the person that I vented to. It was great. Now I only have this piece of shit NuTang to put my mind to ease just a little bit. I was thinking about this in history, and it finally dawned on me how much Priscilla has affected me and my life. You know, quite honestly, I didn't think she had that much affect. It's quite interesting. Anyways, back to the main topic which is...I don't know. I've become less anti-social. And yet, I still feel lonely. Hey, now I know what it's like to have a lot of friends but still feel like you're alone. What an experience. Nah, I don't feel alone, I just get a tad bit lonely at times. But it's all good. It really doesn't bother me all that much anymore. Oh yes, another thing I realized today. Guys are great and not all of them are dicks. =D Jose got this chick's number today at lunch. Stupid fucker doesn't know how to say her name. She's cute. They'll make a great couple. Hehe. Picture perfect. All he has to do is figure out how to say the chick's name.

I was mad yesterday. I think it lasted for more than thirty minutes. That's a good thing. The bad thing though is that I didn't realize I was mad until I was calm again. I was walking around in Blockbuster and I was like, "Hmm. I was mad earlier. Whoa." That's some fucked up shit right there. I like working at Blockbuster. Everyone there is really really nice. Although I don't like this one chick. I'm not nervous around people anymore. I finally understand this whole engaging in a conversation thing. I figured out why people weren't open with me and all that shit. People don't know how to talk to people who are reserved and don't tell them anything about themselves. When I learned that, I have no fucking clue. Sometime over the week or so. Surprisingly, my mind isn't blank anymore. I'm actually more alert now that I'm busy. I thought less sleep was suppose to make you less alert.

Okay. Now what exactly has been bothering me these past few days? I don't really know how to explain it. It's Bettie, for one. I had this all written out yesterday, but now I managed to block a lot of it off. I sigh. Now I know how Mariela felt when we were together. I was an uberbitch to her, and I kind of feel bad about it. Sorta. Not really. I should really talk with Bettie about this, but there's nothing I can really say. She says "I love you" less and less now. And a part of me wonders if she'll even miss me when she leaves for Seattle. But I don't want her to say or feel those things just because I want her to. In fact, that would just piss me off more. Haha. These are just pointless thoughts I need to release so they won't bother me as much anymore. Talk about fucking karma. What goes around comes around. This is great. I want Bettie to express herself in the same manner that she did when we first met. Sometimes we just don't get what we want eh?

I find it quite amusing that everyone starts coming to me when I start shutting people out.

On a happier note. I'm am happier. I'm more secure and all that junk. I have discovered a few things lately that I do not wish to discuss here but it has changed me for the good. I'm much more secure and confident because I've finally found my place in this world. And I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I can't wait until I'm off on my own. I can't wait until I'm 18 and in college or where ever I will be if not that. I'm not scared of growing up anymore. I'm not scared of not knowing what my future will be like. I've found a road in which I wish to travel, whether it leads me to the place I want it to lead is something that I have no control over, but where ever it leads, I'll deal, I'll learn, and I'll be okay. I know where I belong. And for once, I'm going to stop fighting things.

I've been doing my work in school. Even though school is almost over. That's a good sign. Me doing my work and actually trying.

I'm good today. But tired.

My mommy is coming back tonight. Yay.

Nap time.

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