I'm beginning to wonder if I should just deny the submissive part of me. Every time I get that tingling, helpless feeling, my relationships always end up getting fucked up. Every single one of them. Being submissive is a big part of me, but maybe I should just fucking deny myself, cause it's that part of me that always pushes people away. Everyone seems to like me better when I'm a fake arrogant asshole. Or rather, are more attracted to me. You know, secretly inside, I've always wanted someone to know the real me. Bettie is the only person that has ever gotten in. Now I'm beginning to wonder if it is better that people don't know me. It hurts, but it hurts less. God, ever since May, I promised myself never to be so dependent and attached to anyone ever again. I broke that promise to myself and it's cost me to get hurt. Anyways, I knew the risk I was taking. And yeah, I had great times with Bettie. But I have great times with a lot of people. The only difference is that I'm deeply in love with her, and I care more about her then I do about myself. I can't help but think that I haven't affected her life at all. I still can't understand why she loves me. I'm beginning to question if she really does. I'm beginning to question if it was just the chase that she loved. Not me. And maybe it was lust for me and not love. Our relationship is going to end. I know it. I can feel it. I've done all I can...

password? either way...
» painless on 2004-03-16 01:47:49

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.