I wish I could make her happy. Everyone comes and goes into her life knowing only bits and pieces of her. I wish I knew all of her. But I don't. I'm scared what I will become once she leaves for boarding school. Without Priscilla and without her, I'll revert back to my old self. I'll become cold and detatched. I can already feel it coming. I can feel the depression setting in. I'll be like I am at school just ten times worse. I feel so alone. I haven't thought those words in a really long time, because it's been a really long time since I've felt like I'm truly alone. Things are so different without Priscilla. I wish I could talk to her. Again, dreams of her continue to haunt me. I wish I could feel closer to Bettie. I never really realized how safe I felt with her. That's strange. I don't feel safe with anyone. She'll be out of my life soon, and I'll be left alone. God, the thought of her leaving hurts so bad. But I'm glad I was given the chance to open up to someone completely. I have this feeling that won't happen in a very long time. I'm scared of myself. I'm scared of being alone with myself, with no one to turn to but myself. I can feel it coming back. Just at the edge of my consciousness. I have to learn how to be completely alone. Priscilla was the only friend that really gave a rat's ass about me. Ughh. Welcome back. Back into the darkness I go.

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